A TERRIBLE JOKE THAT ENDS HILARIOUSLY

A carpenter had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he'd lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a small bump.

"No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the bump.

After he was finished with the bump, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway,"

"But I just..." the man started.

"Now," she said, "if only I could find my parakeet."

My Mom Was a (explicit word) !

In high school, my dad was totally the brainiac redhead who everyone was like, "Dang, there's Jerry Dan, being all smart and stuff,".

My mom was a cheerleader (enough said). My mom dated lots of guys in high school, some she's not proud of (Chloe O'Rear's dad).

Thankfully she found my dad and said, "Booyah! Imma get me a redhead." Years later, they got married, and Macy came along in a baby carriage.

A year later, my mom went to Vegas. Nine months later, I was born.

(not everything that happens in vegas, stays in vegas)

Coach Bo vs. Mrs. Jaimes and Madonna

The students were in Mrs. Jaimes' classroom, learning how to say "banana" in Spanish. Just then, Mrs. Carter, better known as Madonna, blew up the wall.

Madonna walked through the new smoking opening, and said, "Mrs. Jaimes! I have something important to tell you!"

Mrs. Jaimes stood up, struck a heroic pose, and asked, "What is it?"

"Hi."

"Oh my gatos." Mrs. Jaimes exclaimed.

"Oh, and something else!" Madonna said. "Coach-"

Thud..... Thud.....

Kelsey asked, "What was tha-"

Thud..... THUD..... THUD......

Just then, the giant metallic face of Decipticon Coach Bo filled the windows. "MRS. JAIMES AND MRS. CARTER! SAVE US!" Logan and Jonathan begged, hiding behind a piñata together.

Mrs. Jaimes turned into her autobot form with a sombraro, and Madonna turned into a pink autobot. Coach Bo roared like a T-rex, and swiped his clawed hand, breaking all of the windows.

Mrs. Jaimes pressed the play button on her stereo, and Le Cucaracha started blasting. She fired hot salsa from her salsa gun into Coach Bo's eyes, and he roared in pain. Madonna tossed flaming chocolate chip cookies of death into Coach Bo's open mouth, and his tongue automatically caught on fire.

"RAAARRR!" Coach Bo cried, his giant metallic feet thud thuding all the way out of town.

"Yeah for Mrs. Jaimes and Madonna!" the students screamed.

"IT'S LE CUCARACHA TIME!" Mrs. Jaimes yelled, and everyone triumphantly did the cucaracha.

My Amaaaahzzing Room

It's big. It's bad, and it's the closest thing I could find to my dream bedroom! My dream bedroom would have a huge domed ceiling with Vincent Van Gogh's "Starry Night" painted on. The walls would be black with white trim, and there would be fluffy white carpet stretching form one side of the room to another. The bed and furniture would be like the ones in the picture, but the upholstery would be royal blue silk(cause silk is amaaaahzzing) and the wood would be black. The curtains would be royal blue silk(cause silk is amaaaahzzing) and the windows would view the sights of ancient Greece, right into the coliseum where people were being slaughtered by lions and tigers for sport (cause people being slaughtered by animals is amaaaahzzing).

The last words contained in the parentheses weren't really true.
(Yes they were)

Carly Carter's Mother Subs a Class

Madonna (Carly Carter's mother) was subbing for Mrs. Waters 2d period class.

"Children, please get on Study Island!"

"NO!" the students yelled.

"Please?!"

"NO!"

Just then, Decepticon Coach Bo busted through the window.

"AAHHH!!" Jastan screamed. "HE'S BACK! SOMEONE GET MRS. JAIMES!"

"SHE'LL NEVER REACH US IN TIME!" Chloe said. "Trust me, I am mexican."

Kacey's head jerked up. "Wait, no you aren't-"

"Die, puny adolescent humans!" Coach Bo said as his arms shifted into machine guns.

Carly screamed, "MOMMY, SAVE ME!"

Mrs. C transformed into a pink Autobot, and blew up Coach Bo's midsection with a hand grenade.

"You shall pay for this, Madonna! I'LL BE BACK!" (Terminator reference) with that, Coach Bo fled through the broken window.

"YEAH MADONNA!" the students cheered from beneath their desks.

"Thank you, children. Now please get on Study Island." Madonna said.

"NO!" the students replied.

Charles Manson Gets a Parole Hearing

This is Charles Manson, convicted killer of nine people and cult leader. He also claims to be the messiah. I mean, Seriously? This guy has a swastika on his forehead!

He has a parole hearing.

Will Mr. Manson be the next OJ Simson or Kacey Anthony? (After these people die and go to their eternal resting place, they'll wish for ice water, but won't get any! :D)

Click here if you dare...