The Case of The Open Car Door

When was the last time I was really mad?
Well, the night before Thanksgiving I let Macy borrow my jeep because my cousin Cortney and her boyfriend were in town and wanted to go out. I even let Dalten- I mean Dalten- ride with them. See how nice I was? And my kindness was repaid with someone leaving the passenger's door open all night long. My jeep was dead, and nobody was fessing up to the crime.

Who done it?
I only see Cortney about once a year, and I'd never met her boyfriend before, so I had to be nice and not accuse either of them of anything. Since Macy's was the one driving, she didn't leave the door open. That leaves Dalten.

You better watch out, Dalten. I want revenge.

A Bunch 'o Quick Jokes

Why do Farts stink?
So that Deaf people can enjoy them too.

What do you call a Fish without an eye?
A 'Fsh'!

What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer. (read that again if you didn't get it)

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.

When were vowels invented?
When u and i were born.

What do you get when you cross a parrot and a lion?
I don't know, but when it talks you'd better listen.

Last one:
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the baseball team?
Because she ran away from the ball.


ZING!

Gracias!

Soooo Thanksgiving is right around the corner. I'm very thankful for many, many, many things, but I'm only required to list five of them, so here it goes...

5.) My Edumacation
I'm thankful for my education because it'll obviously benefit me in life, and I get to use my awesome vocabulary/slightly made-up words to amuse myself in a plethora ways. And yes, I said plethora.

4.) My Sense of Humor
I'm grateful for this because if you can't laugh and or make fun at/or life and it's idiotic moments/people who are in it with you, then you're on a short path to depression that ends with empty bottles of alcohol.


3.) My Buds
I love and care about my friends, even though I don't show it all the time. I hate it when they're mad, especially at me or at each other. So if you're my friend and you're reading this right now, hold hands with someone you're mad at and start singing Kum-Ba-Yah. You don't have to. I'm just say'n that would be fun.

2.) My Family
My family's been there since the day I was born- well kind of, my dad was at Walmart when I was born but whatever- and I got a feeling that a lot of my family will be standing around my grave when I'm gone- one of them dressed as the grim reaper, so if you see him, don't freak. He's just there for my sick amusement. :P

1.) Jesus (Duh)
Clearly, without Jesus dying on the cross for our sins, we'd all be falling from an airplane without a parachute (figuratively of course). Unless you're a Jew, which I am not. Nothing against Jews. I'm just saying that without Jesus the Jews would be the only ones able to get into Heaven. If you doubt me, Google it. But seriously, Jesus is just awesome incarnate.

Channing Tatum and me, Sitting beneath a Coconut Tree...

Alwight, so if I was going to be deserted on an island with one friend and two items, I would pick Channing Tatum as my buddy, and a genie lamp and a "pole" as my two items. I think it's clear why I'd bring Mr. Chip-and-Dale and the items.

First order of  business on the island would be setting up the "pole".  Then I would summon the genie while Mr. Tatum begins "entertaining".

After the genie is summoned, I'd wish that the rules of wish-making (can't bring back the dead, can't wish for more wishes, can't wish for love) didn't apply to me. (loophole) I'd then wish for a never-ending number of wishes, Channing Tatum's never ending love for me, and a magical box that conjurers anything I want (food, drinks, a tempurpedic mattress JUST TO SLEEP ON, money to throw at Channing Tatum) and finally, I'd wish to summon Osama Bin Laden back from the grave so I can kill him slowly and painfully for the crimes he committed against our country.

Years later, after mine and Channing's children have been born, I'd wish that the island was bigger, then I'd wish for a really big house, finally, I'd wish that Channing's body would never be less muscular and trim so I could enjoy his company for years to come.

END!