Don't Drop Out!

Five reasons why one of my buddies shouldn't drop out of school.

1.) You've been in school since you were 5 or so, so why drop out when you're a mere two years away from getting out anyway?

2.) By at least completing high school, you can apply for more jobs and get paid more money by doing them. Without a diploma, your options for jobs are severely limited.

3.) School isn't that horrible. Sure, it gets dull and boring, but being kicked out of your parents' house, having no money, no job, nothing to do during the day except go to a dead-end job, and no friends is a lot worse.

4.) Some people say high school will be the best years of your life. Well, that's wrong, but high school is a special time because if you're like me, you've practically grown up with most of the people who go to school with you, and when you finally have to part ways with them, it's kinda sad, so you should take advantage of the time you have with them now.

5.) If one of my friends decide to drop out of school, and I deem their reason stupid, they shall cease to be friends with me. Let's face it- this is the best reason to stay in school, because I'm terribly entertaining and awesome. :)

Apologizing to the Paying Customers

Dear lovely, paying customers,

I, founder of the Carnival Cruise Line of luxury cruises, apologize for the tragic engine fire that caused so much grief. A six month investigation is to be conducted on the cause of the fuel-leaking event, and I express my deepest condolences to the 4,229 people aboard during the five day long situation. You will be refunded fully for your expenses without plumbing, electricity, or savory living conditions, as well as a bonus $500 for your negative experience with us at Carnival Cruise.

I know it doesn't sound like an appealing notion for you at the time, but our cruises are very top of the line, entertaining, and relaxing. The engine fire was an unfortunate accident, as our cruses have enjoyed a previously spotless record for being one of the best cruises in the world. With that said, I would like to inform you that if you ever choose to stay with us again, you'll receive a very generous discount for putting your trust in us again.

Sincerely,


Big Rich Person

Unvisible

Okay, for my hour of invisibility I'd sneak out of school and get in my jeep, then speed around town until a cop pulled me over. Then, he'd see that nobody was driving and go look for whoever was the speeder. As he was looking, I'd jump into his cop car and drive around with the siren blaring. I've always wanted to do that. Then, I'd go to Dairy Queen and get a free strawberry banana smoothie and a chicken salad with lots of ranch and bacon. Finally, I'd go home where I'll safely turn visible again, and I'll eat my salad and drink my smoothie while watching TV, which will have my invisible self all over the channels.

Give Me Food or Give Me Death!

Across the nation of America, schools are changing the foods they supply to their student body. They're taking out the bad stuff and putting in more of the good stuff that make us grow up healthy and strong. I have a problem with this.

First off, junk food is just too tempting, and if someone really wants some, they'll just leave school and go get some. Some fats, sugars, and other things can be healthy, taken in moderation, and the problem in our country is that people don't enforce portion control, not that there are fattening foods in our schools.

Second, kids are always hungry. This is because teenagers are spending all their energy on school work, after school jobs, and trying to rein in their hormones. All that physical exertion makes a teen hungry, and with the small portions being given out at school, a teen feels the need to get a little something extra- a bag of chips, one of those giant muffins, or a honey bun, which they'll get wherever they can.

In conclusion, if schools wants to stop childhood obesity, they should supply a range of foods in large portions that are good for the body, and a small portion of foods that aren't as healthy.