Dear lovely, paying customers,
I, founder of the Carnival Cruise Line of luxury cruises, apologize for the tragic engine fire that caused so much grief. A six month investigation is to be conducted on the cause of the fuel-leaking event, and I express my deepest condolences to the 4,229 people aboard during the five day long situation. You will be refunded fully for your expenses without plumbing, electricity, or savory living conditions, as well as a bonus $500 for your negative experience with us at Carnival Cruise.
I know it doesn't sound like an appealing notion for you at the time, but our cruises are very top of the line, entertaining, and relaxing. The engine fire was an unfortunate accident, as our cruses have enjoyed a previously spotless record for being one of the best cruises in the world. With that said, I would like to inform you that if you ever choose to stay with us again, you'll receive a very generous discount for putting your trust in us again.
Sincerely,
Big Rich Person
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