A Poem About Hot Guys...This is For Dakota Warren!

Mrs. Waters, this is another post for my sick amusement! And I only posted this because Dakota Warren wanted to read it. And I kind of owe him, since I hid behind him during the premiere of "The Ouija Experiment". I laughed when he screamed. :) You better enjoy this Dakota!!

The Perfect Manly Man: Poem By Cassidy Davis

O superbly ripped abs of men
If I see them, I will rate you a ten.
O giant muscles in a guy’s arm,
I’ll bet they really inflict some harm.
O totally attractive sweat from working out,
When you walk towards me, I will never pout.
O really long legs, so fast and strong,
Stick with me, and I’ll do you no wrong!
O irresistibly attractive face,
In Mr. Universe, you would win first place.
O darlingly bright, sweet, wide smile,
Come to my house, I’ll ask you to stay a while.
O intelligent, radiant eye sockets,
I would bet you have really deep pockets.
O really attractive over-all body,
To my friends, I would call you a hotty.
Technically, that last one didn’t rhythm,
And now I’m under pressure to finish this line.
Really, I’ve run out of parts to write about, save one.
But, I’d rather not write about that, so I’ll say, I’m done!

I'm On A Boat! With Pirates!!

If I could choose an era to live in, I would choose around the time of 1690, since that's when piracy was at it's peak.

My first order of piracy business would be to steal a ship, and name it the Grey Pearl. I would make my crew consist of really tough, angry, but hot looking guys with six-packs. My name would be CAPTAIN Cassidy Coolio. (Otherwise known as Triple C)

Maybe I would sail to a secret island located in the middle of nowhere, and find a mass amount of cursed treasure. I would then rip off some really dumb pirates by selling them the cursed gold for tons of money. Of course, the cursed treasure would make the pirates the living dead, and they would stalk me across the seven seas, but eventually I would win, and make off with my cash.

Finally I would embark on an epic quest to overthrow the captain of the Flying Dutchmen, and kill the kraken single-handly. I would then venture to Davey Jones' locker to rescue my best friend ever Jake Sparry, and sail away into the sunset. Jake would be kind of insane, since he would keep yelling that his name was Captain Jack Sparrow. What a nut.

  My name would be feared across the entire Caribbean, and in the far future, film makers in Hollywood will make a hit series of movies based on my epic adventures as the scourge of the sea.

An Epic Origional Poem About Haters By ME!

Mrs. Waters, this is only for my SICK AMUSEMENT!

I heard about that movie Cyber Bully so I got to thinking, what if people don't like me, and therefore comment bad things on my blog? Then this golden idea popped into my head: Why don't you write a poem about what would happen to the haters that don't like the blog, or comment bad things on your posts? So that's what I did.

 This is for all of the haters out there that don't like my blog!

O haters, dos thou not like my blog?

If you meet me in public, I will call you a female dog.

If you think my literature old and dull,

You can just beat the wall with your skull.

You find my rhythm boring and flat?

Say it to my face and I’ll beat you with a bat.

If you think my points and punctuations are atrocious,

You will find that my fighting skills are quite ferocious.

If you plan on sneaking up on me, hater-

In my pocket, I carry mace, and a shiny taser.

If you still plan on leaving a nasty comment after all this,

Getting away with your murder, will I reminisce.

And if you still think that this is all a sham,

Frankly my dear, I DON'T GIVE A  _!!

THIS WAS A WARNING.....SO THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU POST A NAUGHTY COMMENT ON MY BLOG!

Another Adventure of Awesome Mind Bender! Featuring Jordan!

Mrs. Waters, this is another blog for my own sick amusement.

THIS BLOG POST IS DEDICATED TO JORDAN!!!

LAST TIME WITH AWESOME MIND BENDER            Winter Woman (who is actually Carly) was kicked out of my awesome used-to-be secret lair, which is located in Metropolopolus, by Super Juan (who is really Logan), who can do cartwheels of super awesomeness. Juan and I had an epic battle, which ended with SJ towering over me. Darn.

Super Juan then did what I didn't expect him to do.

He did a happy dance, which was the wobble. "Yay! I beat a super villain! I'm Super Juan! I can do a cartwheel!" Super Juan said, and everyone knows that this is his famous catch phrase. While he was distracted doing his happy dance, I crawled toward the door, and flew away to safety.

I found my best friend, Jordan, at his new lair in Clarendon, which he recently moved to, to the great sadness of Wellington.

"Jordan, other wise known as Cripple, my awesomest, best friend in the whole world, can you help me out? My lair has been compromised by Super Juan and Winter Woman. If you could help me out just a little, I could pay you back, like, super quick! PLEEEEAAASE???!!!

He happily obliged, since I'm his best friend EVER! Using his super powers, which is bulletproofness, he stole lots of money from a bank, and gave half of the money to me.

I promised him that I would pay him back, but he said: "That that's booty! Since you're my super awesome best friend, you don't have to pay me back, think of this like a early Birthday present!"

I said something like, "AWWE! Thanks Jordan! You're the best Cripple ever!"(tecnically he's not a cripple anymore, his leg or whatever is all healed up, but I still call him that sometimes

 With this new money, I found my new, totally awesome lair in Goth City, right in the ghetto, which is right next to Jonathan's hide out, since he raped Kelton for the 4th time in a week. My new place was located on the top floor of a huge, abandoned warehouse, which had lots of great views and property value.

I then made my name in the city by kidnapping the mayor and getting a ransom of $5,555,000. With that money, I gave to Jordan to buy the new video game he wanted. I then built a pool and filled it with cash, where I spent the rest of the afternoon, rolling around in stolen money. Again.

JORDAN!!! DON"T GOOO!!!!!

This post is for Jordan. My best friend EVER. He is moving to another town, and is leaving many friends and sort-of acquaintances. I will miss Jordan dearly, but I will remember the good times....... (Flashing Back To The Good Times....)

When Jordan messed up his leg practicing football, I called him cripple and repeatedly kicked his cast-thingy. When I did this enough times, Jordan wouldn't allow me to talk to him, and made a "Uaahhh!!" noise whenever I said anything to anyone and he was in the same room. I tried kicking this habit, but never could until he got the cast off. Until then, I called him a variety of names, such as "El Cripador","The Crip Mister", and the ever popular, "Jordan The Cripple". I will miss these times.

When Jordan sat ALLLL the way across the room from me during Spanish class, I would shout things like "¿su pie todavía daña Jordan?" Which means "Does your foot still hurt Jordan?". On papers where you had to write a sentence in Spanish, I would write, "Jordan es mi amigo." Which means "Jordan is my friend." Now that he's gone, I can only shout exaderated annoying things in Spanish to Jonathan.

The main thing is, Jordan can never be truely replaced. Nobody will ever be the TRUE CRIPPLE, since Jordan was the first person I ever called Cripple. Others can be my amigo in Spanish, but Jordan will always be my TRUE AMIGO! Even if he said he hates my guts(like he does now), and the sound of my voice(which he still finds extremely annoying), and my very presence made him sick, and he actually took the time to figure out how to block me from his blog. Nothing he can do will change the fact that he will always be Cripple to me.

JORDAN!!! DON"T GOOOOOOO!!!! WE'LL MISS YOU TOO MUCH HERE @ WELLINGTON!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!! CRIPPLE!! STAY HERE!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!

I'm On A Boat!!!

I was on a boat, far out from shore, when two giant whales exploded from the sea right in front of us! They were eating their fill of small fish, while my very best friends President Obama and Dr. Conrad Murray and I were sitting very close to them in my awesome boat.

Pres. Obama then said, "I hear by take full credit for this happening, like I did with Benladen's death, and because of this, you should elect me for president. Again."

Dr. Conrad Murray exclaimed, "I didn't kill Micheal Jackson!" I didn't know how this had anything to do with whales, but whatever.

When the sight was over, we paddled back to shore, and reporters where already waiting on us. They started asking us all of these questions, and I answered them the best I could.

"We just felt like fishing, me and my friends, since we hadn't had the chance in quite some time, due to their personal problems, that's why we went out so far...to get away from all the fans and such. 'What big whales! Dang, that was close!' was on the lines of what was going through my mind when the whales first appeared." I took a breath and collected my thoughts. "I don't think it would have been logical for me to think that I could have been swallowed, since whales aren't stupid, and only eat small creatures, but I was pretty darn scared. After all, I can't swim, so if I ended up in the water, I probably would have drowned, if not crushed by the whales."

After this encounter, Obama and Dr. Conrad Murray joined me in a very nice dinner to celebrate our friendship and the bright future for America that lay ahead of us.

The Adventures of Awesome Mind Bender: Continued Continued

This is really the third time I have blogged about my supervillain self, and I still don't know if I should continue to write about this, since I have so much free time. But oh well, I'll give it a shot.

(Mrs. Waters, this isn't for English, this is for my own sick amusement.)

LAST TIME, AT MY EVIL LAIR..... Winter Woman (who is really Carly) kicked down my door, and totally tried to take my super-awesome self to jail, but failed, and I totally busted a cap in her fat cape, after she totally wrecked my crib. This totally bad A. fight sceen ended with me winning the fight, and Winter Woman begging for her pitiful life.

And that's when I killed Winter Woman. JK. (I can't kill Carly's charactor in this story, she'll kill me in real life) I was just about to crush Winter Woman's puny form with a bolder, but then Super Juan, (really Logan) cart-wheeled into my lair.

"Are you for-rizzle? Super Juan, if yo track mud up in my grill with yo fansy-smansy cartwheels, yo gonna get a cap busted in yo fat face!" I screamed at Super Juan, in a gangster accent of course. (Logan, if you're reading this, I really do love your cartwheeling powers!)

"I dare you to bust a cap in my face! You so white, you couldn't tell a Cript from a Blood!" Super Juan shouted, as his cartwheel indeed tracked mud into my grill. He then cartwheeled right into me, and knocked me off of Winter Woman, right before her demise.

Winter Woman, getting to her feet, then said, "Thanks for saving me Super Juan! You be so gangster! Let's take Awesome Mind Bender down together!"

And Super Juan replied, "Sorry, I don't work with super-white people who try to talk gangster but fail epicly. I'll deal with this evil doer all by my gangster self, thank you."

Winter Woman burst into tears, saying that Super Juan was her hero, and ran out of my not-so-secret-anymore lair, while I scoffed at her, and called her a baby.

Super Juan and I faced eachother and commenced our epic battle. SJ started to do a cartwheel, but I used my awesome mind powers to make the ruined polar bear rug fly out from under him, making him trip and fall on his face. As I approched him, he got to his feet and did a quick cartwheel, and kicked me in my face. I fell backwards, and found myself on the floor.

Super Juan toward over me, and I had the thought, "Wow, this is what I did to Winter Woman, like, two seconds ago. Dang."

Super Juan then did what I didn't expect him to do.

TO BE CONTINUED.....Possibly....

The Adventures of Awesome Mind Bender: Continued

(Mrs. Waters, this isn't really my superhero blog, this is just me being dumb, the real post is under this)

The last you heard of Awesome Mind Bender, who is really me, I was in Metralapalapalus,  where my evil lair is located, and I was rolling around in stolen cash. If you haven't read that yet, go under this post and read that first. That's when Winter Woman, who is really Carly, my arch nemesis, (in real life, she's really pretty cool, but in this she totally isn't) kicked down my door and entered inside my crib with a burst of cold air and snow!

Winter Woman exclaimed, "Awesome Mind Bender! Your evil reign of terror is over! I'm taking you to the brig!"

I yelled in a gangster way, "Nu uh!!! What you gonna do 'bout that hu foo? You gonna make it snow up in ma crib? That what yo gonna do? Man, Imma bust a cap in yo fat cape! Yo want some of this?! Take it!" Then I threw a big rock at her face (With my awesome mind powers).

Winter Woman then froze the rock mid-air, right before it hit her in the nose. It dropped to the ground with a big thud. She then, indeed, made it snow in my crib. Then it turned into a full-out blizzard. My cape was whipping behind me, and I could feel my face start to freeze. I then used my awesome mind powers to make Winter Woman see a giant spider on her face. She screamed bloody murder, and dropped to the floor, still screaming. The storm slowly stopped, and I stood there defrosting.

I started to strut towards her. "Ah man, why'd you do that? Now my sofa's all soaked and cold. I'll have to steal another one, and that's the third time this week! Do you know how hard it is to find a couch that fits with this color scheme? Tell me, did you have to freeze the rock right on my 100% pure polar bear rug? THAT'S NEVER COMMING OUT!!!!" I then kicked her in the side. (JK Carly, I'd never do that)

Winter Woman rolled over, face up. "No matter what you say or do to me villain, I'll never give up trying to arrest you and bring justice to Metralapalus!"

I replied, "Honey, there's another "lapa" in there somewhere. You must have forgotten it, since I gave you a concussion and all." I kicked her again, and placed my boot on her chest, and pressed down. Hard.

She then crocked out, "Even if you kill me, evil, totally cool, Awesome Mind Bender, other heroes will take my place. I'm warning you, they will be way better than me, a second-rate, totally un-cool hero. Think about this...really carefully...." She then proceeded to beg for her worthless life.

I then did what I wanted to do ever since she kicked down my hand carved, one-of-a-kind door.

TO BE CONTINUED....MAYBE.