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| !IT'S A PUKING UNICORN! |
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Dear Santa, I Hate You.
Dear Santa,I really hate you. You scared me to death as a child, and I was forced to sleep with a baseball bat under my bed, because I was terrified that you were going to sneak into my room, and kill me and my family. I used to spit into your milk, make your cookies with salt instead of sugar, and I totally made my cat lick the plate before putting the cookies on it. I hope you enjoyed your little snacks after you broke into my house each year.
Needless to say, I'm a very naughty little girl. I set my bathroom on fire, blamed everything that I did wrong on my parents, and I got spanked at least twice a week as a child. I hated it when your reindeers pooped on my roof, and I really hate your stupid red jump suit. Fat old guys do not look good in bright colors. I don't really care this year if you fill my stocking with coal, because guess what! I'm going to Hawii for Christmas, and I'm going to enjoy it while you freeze on the North Pole.
Not so Sincerely,
Cassidy Davis
Friday, December 16, 2011
The Zombie Parody of Romeo and Juliet!
Click the link below for the first part to my undead saga of Romeo and Juliet! Starring Jeffery as Romeo, and Chloe as Juliet! And there's lots of zombies!
http://parodiesbycassidies.blogspot.com/2011/12/zombie-parody-of-romeo-and-juliet-pt-1.html
Don't forget to follow my new blog! Or a zombie will eat you!
http://parodiesbycassidies.blogspot.com/2011/12/zombie-parody-of-romeo-and-juliet-pt-1.html
Don't forget to follow my new blog! Or a zombie will eat you!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Anouncing My New Blog 4 My Parodies!
Click the link below to go to my new, awesome blog for my awesome parodies! It's for my sick amusement! Now, I can write whatever I want! YAH!! Don't forget to join my site, or I will have Jaws eat you in one of my parodies! XP
http://parodiesbycassidies.blogspot.com/
http://parodiesbycassidies.blogspot.com/
The Jaw-Dropping Parody of Jaws Pt. 3
Mrs. Waters, this is for my sick amusement. This is also my third part of The Jaw-Dropping Parody of Jaws.
LAST TIME ON THE JAW-DROPPING PARODY OF JAWS..... Michael, Yanci, Samm, and Kelsey disappeared while swimming in Lake Wellington. Britany and I went to go tell Mayor Tristan. That's it!
We entered Mayor Tristan's office, and he was playing with action figures. I cleared my throat, and he looked up. He saw us, and quickly hid his toys under his desk.
"What? Can't you see I'm busy?" He said.
"We need to tell you something." I said.
"Well, spit it out, emo person."
"I'm not emo!"
"We're getting off topic!" Britany yelled. "Samm and Kelsey just, like, got eaten! We were fishing, and Samm fell into the water, and we didn't see him again!"
"What happened to Kelsey?" Tristan asked. "How did she end up in the water?"
"That doesn't matter." Britany said quickly.
"Well, that makes four missing peoples." Mayor Tristan sighed.
"THEN CLOSE THE BEACH!" I yelled.
"You know what? No. Just because you were mean to me."
"I strongly dislike you at the moment, Tristan." I said.
"So you're just going to let more innocent people die?" Britany asked.
"Well, how about this- you two, along with another person, rent a small boat, go out on the lake, and bait whatever's eating people to come to your boat, you kill it, and everyone's happy? I get to keep the lake open, and you two get to risk your lives trying to kill an unknown marine animal!"
"YAY! That sounds like fun!" Me and Britany tapped each other's knuckles.
"But who are we going to take with us?" I asked Britany. "How about... JORDAN TORRES!"
"YAY! LET'S GO GET JORDAN!!!" Britany tapped my knuckles again, and said, "How about we bring Jastan along too!"
"YAH! THIS IS GOING TO BE SO AWESOME!" I yelled. We ran to get our awesome friends, and rent a small boat.
LAST TIME ON THE JAW-DROPPING PARODY OF JAWS..... Michael, Yanci, Samm, and Kelsey disappeared while swimming in Lake Wellington. Britany and I went to go tell Mayor Tristan. That's it!
We entered Mayor Tristan's office, and he was playing with action figures. I cleared my throat, and he looked up. He saw us, and quickly hid his toys under his desk.
"What? Can't you see I'm busy?" He said.
"We need to tell you something." I said.
"Well, spit it out, emo person."
"I'm not emo!"
"We're getting off topic!" Britany yelled. "Samm and Kelsey just, like, got eaten! We were fishing, and Samm fell into the water, and we didn't see him again!"
"What happened to Kelsey?" Tristan asked. "How did she end up in the water?"
"That doesn't matter." Britany said quickly.
"Well, that makes four missing peoples." Mayor Tristan sighed.
"THEN CLOSE THE BEACH!" I yelled.
"You know what? No. Just because you were mean to me."
"I strongly dislike you at the moment, Tristan." I said.
"So you're just going to let more innocent people die?" Britany asked.
"Well, how about this- you two, along with another person, rent a small boat, go out on the lake, and bait whatever's eating people to come to your boat, you kill it, and everyone's happy? I get to keep the lake open, and you two get to risk your lives trying to kill an unknown marine animal!"
"YAY! That sounds like fun!" Me and Britany tapped each other's knuckles.
"But who are we going to take with us?" I asked Britany. "How about... JORDAN TORRES!"
"YAY! LET'S GO GET JORDAN!!!" Britany tapped my knuckles again, and said, "How about we bring Jastan along too!"
"YAH! THIS IS GOING TO BE SO AWESOME!" I yelled. We ran to get our awesome friends, and rent a small boat.
Monday, December 12, 2011
The Jaw-Dropping Parody of Jaws Pt. 2
Mrs. Waters, this is for my sick amusement. This is also my second part of The Jaw-Dropping Parody of Jaws.
LAST TIME ON THE JAW-DROPPING PARODY OF JAWS..... Michael and Yanci disappeared while swimming in Lake Wellington. That's it!
LAST TIME ON THE JAW-DROPPING PARODY OF JAWS..... Michael and Yanci disappeared while swimming in Lake Wellington. That's it!
I was on a boat, and we were fishing for, you guessed it, fish. I was on the boat with Kelsey, Samm, and Britany.
"I got a bite!" Samm yelled. We gathered around him to see if he needed any help. "Whoa! This one's a big 'un!" He tried really hard to real the fish in, but he couldn't. All of a sudden, Samm was pulled overboard.
"OMG! SAMM!" Kelsey screeched.
We saw Samm thrash around in the water a bit, then he was pulled farther underwater. Eventually, there was a big bubble, and blood spread to the surface.
"Holy Cheese-on-a-stick! Samm's dead!" I screamed.
"SAMM IS NOT DEAD!" Kelsey yelled at me, then slapped me across the face.
"Oh, no you didn't." Britany said, and tackled Kelsey.
"WATCH OUT! YOU MIGHT PUSH HER-" Britany pushed Kelsey over the edge of the railing, and into the water. "Over the edge." I finished.
With nothing else to do, we watched Kelsey be pulled under the water, and another bubble of blood popped to the surface.
"At least their together now." Britany said. "Do you have anything nice to say about them?" She asked me.
"Nope. Samm was funny, though. I think Kelsey was funny, like, whoa, did she really ask that? And sometimes, whoa, that chick is seriously blond." I said.
"We should probably tell someone that they're dead." Britany said wisely.
"Kay. Let's go tell Mayor Tristan Patterson." I said.
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER!
Friday, December 9, 2011
The Jaw-Dropping Parody of Jaws Pt. 1
Mrs. Waters, this is for my sick amusement. This is also my first part of The Jaw-Dropping Parody of Jaws. (Mrs. Waters, not everyone dies. There is a surprise ending, and everything turns out just fine.)
Also, did you know, if you watch Jaws (the first one) backwards, the story is about a shark that can't stop throwing up people, then eventually, the people open a beach.
OKAY, SO....Since Wellington isn't near the ocean, I fudged some facts. Now, there is a very deep, and very big lake located just outside Wellington's city limits. It's around the size of the lake at Altus. It is known for the big waves, sandy beaches, and a massive boat dock. A small, skinny white boy who goes by the name of Michael Moore, who didn't follow my blog, and therefore deserves to die a horrible death, was swimming in the lake at night. I have no idea why. Michael is just weird like that.
Michael was singing a song as he swam in Lake Wellington. The song went like this:
"When I walk into school,
Yah,
This is what I see,
Okay!
Everybody stops, and is starn' at me!
I got a fake gangsta swagger
and I ain't afraid to show it
Show it, show it... Ding!
I'm a white boy and I know it!"
All of a sudden, a giant, dark shape was visible beside Michael. Michael seemed to see it, and he stopped swimming. He turned his head to see what was there. When he turned around, the shape popped to the surface, and sliced through the water towards him.
"AHHHHHH!!!" Michael screamed. The shape disappeared just before it reached the boy, and Michael sighed in relief. Then Michael felt something clamp onto his foot, and he was dragged underwater before he could scream again.
That's how Michael Moore died. (Mean Girls Reference!)
The next morning, the beach was open, and hundreds of people were swimming in the water. A very pale girl that went by the name of Yanci Thomas was water skiing. She was having a really great time. All of a sudden, she felt something hit the bottom of her ski, and she fell into the water. She wondered what had gone wrong. She whipped her blond hair back and forth, and looked around for the boat.
"¡Prisa, usted barco estúpido! ¡Quiero esquiar mayor!" She yelled.
She felt something bump into her. Whatever it was, it was big. She started to scream for the boat to hurry up, but the people on the boat couldn't hear her. They kept coming towards her at a normal pace.
The boat was taking too long. She felt something bump into her again. She screamed for help, but nobody could hear her over the roar of the boat's engine.
She started to scream again, but it was cut short when she was pulled under.
And that's how Yanci Thomas died. (Another Mean Girls reference!)
Also, did you know, if you watch Jaws (the first one) backwards, the story is about a shark that can't stop throwing up people, then eventually, the people open a beach.
OKAY, SO....Since Wellington isn't near the ocean, I fudged some facts. Now, there is a very deep, and very big lake located just outside Wellington's city limits. It's around the size of the lake at Altus. It is known for the big waves, sandy beaches, and a massive boat dock. A small, skinny white boy who goes by the name of Michael Moore, who didn't follow my blog, and therefore deserves to die a horrible death, was swimming in the lake at night. I have no idea why. Michael is just weird like that.
Michael was singing a song as he swam in Lake Wellington. The song went like this:
"When I walk into school,
Yah,
This is what I see,
Okay!
Everybody stops, and is starn' at me!
I got a fake gangsta swagger
and I ain't afraid to show it
Show it, show it... Ding!
I'm a white boy and I know it!"
All of a sudden, a giant, dark shape was visible beside Michael. Michael seemed to see it, and he stopped swimming. He turned his head to see what was there. When he turned around, the shape popped to the surface, and sliced through the water towards him.
"AHHHHHH!!!" Michael screamed. The shape disappeared just before it reached the boy, and Michael sighed in relief. Then Michael felt something clamp onto his foot, and he was dragged underwater before he could scream again.
That's how Michael Moore died. (Mean Girls Reference!)
The next morning, the beach was open, and hundreds of people were swimming in the water. A very pale girl that went by the name of Yanci Thomas was water skiing. She was having a really great time. All of a sudden, she felt something hit the bottom of her ski, and she fell into the water. She wondered what had gone wrong. She whipped her blond hair back and forth, and looked around for the boat.
"¡Prisa, usted barco estúpido! ¡Quiero esquiar mayor!" She yelled.
She felt something bump into her. Whatever it was, it was big. She started to scream for the boat to hurry up, but the people on the boat couldn't hear her. They kept coming towards her at a normal pace.
The boat was taking too long. She felt something bump into her again. She screamed for help, but nobody could hear her over the roar of the boat's engine.
She started to scream again, but it was cut short when she was pulled under.
And that's how Yanci Thomas died. (Another Mean Girls reference!)
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Perplexing Parody of The Twilight Saga Pt 5
Mrs. Waters, this is for my sick amusement. This is also the last part of my parody of the Twilight Saga.
LAST TIME ON THE PERPLEXING PARODY OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA..... I'm getting sick of writing about what happened in the last part of this parody, so I'm not going to write it. If you want to know what's going on, just read the other parts yourself. Capish?
I finally turned around, and decided to watch the fight. They were really going at it. Jastan was totally Chris Brown, and he whipped his tail back and forth, reducing Chloe to dust. Mattie and Haley were really tearing at each others throats. Mattie bit Haley really hard on the neck, and Haley was totally turned to ashes. When Kacey saw that she was the last vampire still alive-undead-whatever, she started to flee. She ran past me so fast, she was just a blur.
I turned to see what she was doing. Kacey had grabbed a very skinny white boy, and was threatening to break his neck. She yelled, "Let me go, or Eric gets killed." She said. Eric started to cry in terror.
Iguana Man waddled beside me. "Let him go you evil demon thingy!" He yelled at her.
"NO! Not until I'm safely far away, somewhere like Forks."
"Where the crap is Forks?"
"It's a small foresty town that has little to no sunlight year round!"
Before Kacey could further explain this 'Forks', I whipped out my super awesome cross bow, (because this is my parody, and I wanted to kill a vampire with a crossbow) loaded a very sharp wooden stake into it (and got a splinter) aimed it, and fired it. The stake sailed through the air, and straight into Kacey's heart. She looked shocked, and then crumbled to dust.
I started to sing:
Du Du Du!
Another one bits the dust!
Du Du Du!
Another one bits the dust!
And another one gone,
And another one gone,
Another one bits the dust!
Iguana Man joined in: "Du Du Du!"
Then we started to sing:
"We... are the champions.....my friends....
Bum Bum Buuuuummm!
And we'll.....keep on FIGHT'N....Till the end!
Bum Bum Buuuuuuummmm!
'Cause we...are the champions.....
WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!"
Then Eric yelled at us, "SHUT UP!" And ran away. (are you happy Eric?! You are finally in my parody.)
Then we all lived happily ever after. (And Samm was still quite dead, so PLEASE LET IT GO!)
(P.S. Follow my blog, or die in one of my parodies! I'm being completely serious.)
LAST TIME ON THE PERPLEXING PARODY OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA..... I'm getting sick of writing about what happened in the last part of this parody, so I'm not going to write it. If you want to know what's going on, just read the other parts yourself. Capish?
I finally turned around, and decided to watch the fight. They were really going at it. Jastan was totally Chris Brown, and he whipped his tail back and forth, reducing Chloe to dust. Mattie and Haley were really tearing at each others throats. Mattie bit Haley really hard on the neck, and Haley was totally turned to ashes. When Kacey saw that she was the last vampire still alive-undead-whatever, she started to flee. She ran past me so fast, she was just a blur.
I turned to see what she was doing. Kacey had grabbed a very skinny white boy, and was threatening to break his neck. She yelled, "Let me go, or Eric gets killed." She said. Eric started to cry in terror.
Iguana Man waddled beside me. "Let him go you evil demon thingy!" He yelled at her.
"NO! Not until I'm safely far away, somewhere like Forks."
"Where the crap is Forks?"
"It's a small foresty town that has little to no sunlight year round!"
Before Kacey could further explain this 'Forks', I whipped out my super awesome cross bow, (because this is my parody, and I wanted to kill a vampire with a crossbow) loaded a very sharp wooden stake into it (and got a splinter) aimed it, and fired it. The stake sailed through the air, and straight into Kacey's heart. She looked shocked, and then crumbled to dust.
I started to sing:
Du Du Du!
Another one bits the dust!
Du Du Du!
Another one bits the dust!
And another one gone,
And another one gone,
Another one bits the dust!
Iguana Man joined in: "Du Du Du!"
Then we started to sing:
"We... are the champions.....my friends....
Bum Bum Buuuuummm!
And we'll.....keep on FIGHT'N....Till the end!
Bum Bum Buuuuuuummmm!
'Cause we...are the champions.....
WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!"
Then Eric yelled at us, "SHUT UP!" And ran away. (are you happy Eric?! You are finally in my parody.)
Then we all lived happily ever after. (And Samm was still quite dead, so PLEASE LET IT GO!)
(P.S. Follow my blog, or die in one of my parodies! I'm being completely serious.)
Perplexing Parody of The Twilight Saga Pt 4
Mrs. Waters, this is for my sick amusement. This is also part 4 of my parody of the Twilight Saga.
LAST TIME ON THE PERPLEXING PARODY OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA..... I'm going to make this really fast, because I really don't like summarizing what I've already written. So scroll down to my awesome archive, and read my other parts you persona discustingly perezosa de que no tengo gusto! That's right. I used Spanish to express my views of lazy people. OKAY SO...Jastan the Iguana Man and Friends started to fight the evil vampires. Jastan cut off Samm's head.
"EEEEEWWWWEEE!" I squealed. "That was disgusting. I can't watch!" I turned away from the fight.
"EVERYONE STOP!" Kelsey screamed. What was she doing here? "Whatever you do, don't kill Samm! I love him! We are totally meant to be together forever! And I figured out what he is! He's totally a unicorn!" She yelled.
"Um. Kelsey, Samm wasn't a unicorn. He was a vampire. And Jastan the Iguana just killed him." I told her.
"WHAT?! NOOOOO!!!! I was supposed to fall madly in love with him, then a totally hot bad vampire would try to kill me, and Samm would save me, then he would leave me for my own protection, then he would come back after I do some really stupid stupid, like jump off of a cliff, then we would get married, and I would get pregnant with his demon baby, then I would nearly die in childbirth, and he would have to cut-"
"WHOOOOOOOAAA! STOP! Sam es realmente muerto.Al hombre de la iguana lo mató. ¡Apenas exept él Kelsey!" I told her in Spanish. Kelsey started to cry. She left, wailing about her lost love. I yelled after her: "¡Su recepción! ¡No es ninguna gran cosa que acabo de salvarle de parto terrible! ¡SIEMPRE!"
The dogs and Iguana Man started at me. "What?" I asked.
Chloe shook her head. "So... what happens now?" Chloe asked.
"Well, I think we should go all Chris Brown vs. Rihanna on each other." Mattie said.
"Great! So, who's Chris, and who's Rihanna?" Kacey asked.
"Well, obviously, I'm Chris Brown." Jastan stated.
"Wait, why do you get to be Chris?" Haley asked.
"Because I'm Iguana Man."
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" Haley snarled, then jumped Jastan.
This caused a chain reaction, and soon, everyone except me was biting and scratching at each other. The fight was so violent, I couldn't bring myself to watch. I turned away. Then I looked back. Then I turned away. Then I looked back. Then I turned halfway away, then back. I had to watch this. It was just too epic not to. No. I wouldn't watch this violence. I forced myself to look away. Then I started to turn...then I looked away again. Oh, the indecision was killing me!
(Comment on post if you think I should look or not! If I look, I give a detailed description of what the fight is like. If not, something shocking happens! Don't forget to comment!)
LAST TIME ON THE PERPLEXING PARODY OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA..... I'm going to make this really fast, because I really don't like summarizing what I've already written. So scroll down to my awesome archive, and read my other parts you persona discustingly perezosa de que no tengo gusto! That's right. I used Spanish to express my views of lazy people. OKAY SO...Jastan the Iguana Man and Friends started to fight the evil vampires. Jastan cut off Samm's head.
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| Girrrrrrr |
"EEEEEWWWWEEE!" I squealed. "That was disgusting. I can't watch!" I turned away from the fight.
"EVERYONE STOP!" Kelsey screamed. What was she doing here? "Whatever you do, don't kill Samm! I love him! We are totally meant to be together forever! And I figured out what he is! He's totally a unicorn!" She yelled.
"Um. Kelsey, Samm wasn't a unicorn. He was a vampire. And Jastan the Iguana just killed him." I told her.
"WHAT?! NOOOOO!!!! I was supposed to fall madly in love with him, then a totally hot bad vampire would try to kill me, and Samm would save me, then he would leave me for my own protection, then he would come back after I do some really stupid stupid, like jump off of a cliff, then we would get married, and I would get pregnant with his demon baby, then I would nearly die in childbirth, and he would have to cut-"
"WHOOOOOOOAAA! STOP! Sam es realmente muerto.Al hombre de la iguana lo mató. ¡Apenas exept él Kelsey!" I told her in Spanish. Kelsey started to cry. She left, wailing about her lost love. I yelled after her: "¡Su recepción! ¡No es ninguna gran cosa que acabo de salvarle de parto terrible! ¡SIEMPRE!"
The dogs and Iguana Man started at me. "What?" I asked.
Chloe shook her head. "So... what happens now?" Chloe asked.
"Well, I think we should go all Chris Brown vs. Rihanna on each other." Mattie said.
"Great! So, who's Chris, and who's Rihanna?" Kacey asked.
"Well, obviously, I'm Chris Brown." Jastan stated.
"Wait, why do you get to be Chris?" Haley asked.
"Because I'm Iguana Man."
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" Haley snarled, then jumped Jastan.
This caused a chain reaction, and soon, everyone except me was biting and scratching at each other. The fight was so violent, I couldn't bring myself to watch. I turned away. Then I looked back. Then I turned away. Then I looked back. Then I turned halfway away, then back. I had to watch this. It was just too epic not to. No. I wouldn't watch this violence. I forced myself to look away. Then I started to turn...then I looked away again. Oh, the indecision was killing me!
(Comment on post if you think I should look or not! If I look, I give a detailed description of what the fight is like. If not, something shocking happens! Don't forget to comment!)
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Perplexing Parody of The Twilight Saga Pt 3
Mrs. Waters, this is for my sick amusement. This is also part 3 of my parody of the Twilight Saga.
LAST TIME ON THE PERPLEXING PARODY OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA..... My jeep was totaled when Samm the vampire dude hit it to stop my lovely jeep from hitting Kelsey, the Bella of this parody. I woke up in the hospital, and found Dr. Richardson standing over me. He gave me money for my jeep, and I left the room, and found Samm arguing with Haley and Kacey, his foster sisters. I heard them talk about killing me, so I freaked, and went home. I googled 'how to kill a vampire' and found this website that told me to call a number. A guy named Jastan picked up the phone, and shouted that the iguana man was going to save the day, and kill the bad vampires.
The next day, I left my home in my sister Macy's old pick up, because my jeep was a heap of scrap medal. I was about to enter the school when I was jumped by someone.
I started to scream for help. "AHHH! HELP! SOMEONE IS JUMPING ME! THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE MY MONEY!"
"Shut up! I'm Jastan, the Iguana Man! I'm here to help!" Jastan yelled at me.
"Oh. Cool! So, where are your sidekicks?" I asked.
He pointed behind him at some teenaged people. "This is Mattie, Brittany, Sydney (Sydney Jones, not Dakota's female friend) and Michael. They are my awesome sidekicks."
"Why are they all girls?" I asked.
"HEY! I'm not a girl!" Michael yelled.
"SHUT UP MICHAEL! They are all girls because they are all female dogs."
"WHAT?!" I shouted.
"Watch this!" Jastan said. "OKAY EVERYBODY! On the count of three. One, Two, Three!"
As soon as Jastan said three, his sidekicks all turned into tiny chihuahuas. Brittany had turned into a cute little white chihuahua, lifted up her paw, and girrred at me. Mattie turned into a tan chihuahua, and barked, very high-pitched. Sydney turned into a little black chihuahua, because she's really Jonathan's daughter, and jumped up in the air. Michael turned into a chihuahua that was brown, because he's truely gangster. Michael growled at me.
I turned to Jastan. "THAT IS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! THEY ARE SOOOOO CUTE!"
"You haven't seen nothn' yet. Watch this!" Jastan turned into a neon green iguana.
"FROZEN FISH STICKS! THAT IS.....THERE ISN'T EVEN A WAY TO DESCRIBE HOW AWESOME THAT IS!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!! I'M OVERWHELMED WITH THE AWESOMENESS OF IT!!" I had to shield my eyes from the pure legitness of Iguana Man.
Iguana Man spoke to me. (Because this is fiction, anything can happen) "I know. The first time you see the pure gangsterness that is Iguana Man and his sidekicks can be overwhelming. Sometimes, your eye sockets might bleed from the sheer epicness. So, where are the vampires? We'll deal with them."
"They should all be in Art Class. Go Iguana Man and Friends, and kill the evil demons!" I shouted.
And they were off. I followed after them. I started to sing their theme song. It went along with the rythem of the Batman theme song. It went like this:
"Dunununa Dunununa
Iguana Man!
Dunununa Dunununa
And His Friends!
Dunununa Dunununa
Are Awesome!"
"SHUT UP!" Britney barked.
They all stopped when we came to the front door.
"NOO!! Cursed door! We can't deal with the vampires with this blocking our way. We can't open it, because we have no thumbs! What will we do?" Jastan said.
Just then, Samm, Haley, Kacey, and and other vampire who must be Chloe walked out the door, and stopped in front of us.
"AMIGOS OF IGUANA MAN! ATTACK!!!!!" Jastan shouted his battle cry, and the chihuahuas and the awesome Iguana Man charged, and using his very sharp claws, cut off Samm's head in one swift swipe.
LAST TIME ON THE PERPLEXING PARODY OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA..... My jeep was totaled when Samm the vampire dude hit it to stop my lovely jeep from hitting Kelsey, the Bella of this parody. I woke up in the hospital, and found Dr. Richardson standing over me. He gave me money for my jeep, and I left the room, and found Samm arguing with Haley and Kacey, his foster sisters. I heard them talk about killing me, so I freaked, and went home. I googled 'how to kill a vampire' and found this website that told me to call a number. A guy named Jastan picked up the phone, and shouted that the iguana man was going to save the day, and kill the bad vampires.
 | |
| Jastan The Iguana Man |
The next day, I left my home in my sister Macy's old pick up, because my jeep was a heap of scrap medal. I was about to enter the school when I was jumped by someone.
I started to scream for help. "AHHH! HELP! SOMEONE IS JUMPING ME! THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE MY MONEY!"
"Shut up! I'm Jastan, the Iguana Man! I'm here to help!" Jastan yelled at me.
"Oh. Cool! So, where are your sidekicks?" I asked.
He pointed behind him at some teenaged people. "This is Mattie, Brittany, Sydney (Sydney Jones, not Dakota's female friend) and Michael. They are my awesome sidekicks."
"Why are they all girls?" I asked.
"HEY! I'm not a girl!" Michael yelled.
"SHUT UP MICHAEL! They are all girls because they are all female dogs."
"WHAT?!" I shouted.
"Watch this!" Jastan said. "OKAY EVERYBODY! On the count of three. One, Two, Three!"
As soon as Jastan said three, his sidekicks all turned into tiny chihuahuas. Brittany had turned into a cute little white chihuahua, lifted up her paw, and girrred at me. Mattie turned into a tan chihuahua, and barked, very high-pitched. Sydney turned into a little black chihuahua, because she's really Jonathan's daughter, and jumped up in the air. Michael turned into a chihuahua that was brown, because he's truely gangster. Michael growled at me.
I turned to Jastan. "THAT IS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! THEY ARE SOOOOO CUTE!"
"You haven't seen nothn' yet. Watch this!" Jastan turned into a neon green iguana.
"FROZEN FISH STICKS! THAT IS.....THERE ISN'T EVEN A WAY TO DESCRIBE HOW AWESOME THAT IS!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!! I'M OVERWHELMED WITH THE AWESOMENESS OF IT!!" I had to shield my eyes from the pure legitness of Iguana Man.
Iguana Man spoke to me. (Because this is fiction, anything can happen) "I know. The first time you see the pure gangsterness that is Iguana Man and his sidekicks can be overwhelming. Sometimes, your eye sockets might bleed from the sheer epicness. So, where are the vampires? We'll deal with them."
"They should all be in Art Class. Go Iguana Man and Friends, and kill the evil demons!" I shouted.
And they were off. I followed after them. I started to sing their theme song. It went along with the rythem of the Batman theme song. It went like this:
"Dunununa Dunununa
Iguana Man!
Dunununa Dunununa
And His Friends!
Dunununa Dunununa
Are Awesome!"
"SHUT UP!" Britney barked.
They all stopped when we came to the front door.
"NOO!! Cursed door! We can't deal with the vampires with this blocking our way. We can't open it, because we have no thumbs! What will we do?" Jastan said.
Just then, Samm, Haley, Kacey, and and other vampire who must be Chloe walked out the door, and stopped in front of us.
"AMIGOS OF IGUANA MAN! ATTACK!!!!!" Jastan shouted his battle cry, and the chihuahuas and the awesome Iguana Man charged, and using his very sharp claws, cut off Samm's head in one swift swipe.
Perplexing Parody of The Twilight Saga Pt 2
Mrs. Waters, this is for my sick amusement. This is also part 2 of my parody of the Twilight Saga.
LAST TIME ON THE PERPLEXING PARODY OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA..... Alright. The town is Wellington, Texas, and a new, strange family has just moved there. The new family has four foster children, and all of them are freshmen. I met Samm, (the Edward of the story) when he was sitting in my desk, and he read my mind. I told Kelsey (the Bella of the story) that he was a vampire, but since she's blond, she didn't believe me. I lost control of my jeep at lunch, and would have killed Kelsey if Samm hadn't intervened. My jeep hit his hand, which left a dent, and flipped over them, and ended up rolling on the ground a bunch of times before coming to a stop.
My last coherent thought was, "Vampires suck." And I blacked out.
I came to in the hospital, with a very pale doctor's face above mine. "Oh good. You're not dead!" The doctor told me. I felt the side of my head, and found a giant bandage covering my wound.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"I'm new to this hospital, you've met my foster son, Samm already. My name is Dr. Richardson." He smiled at me, and I saw that he had fangs. He was a vampire too!
"OMG! You're a vampire!" I whispered, and backed away.
"SHHHHH!!!! Don't tell anyone! Please!" Dr. Richardson told me.
"I don't know..." He slipped me a hundred dollar bill. "Yay! money!" I yelled. Then I remembered my jeep. "(explicit word)! Your son just like, totaled my car! It's gonna take a whole lot more money to make that problem go away. This won't even pay for the paint job!"
"Alright, I'll give you more money later. You can go home now." Seriously? I just had a major car accident happen to me, and I was free to go? Awesome! I stood, felt absolutely fine (because this is fiction, anything can happen) and left the hospital room. I saw Samm having a heated discussion with some other really pale people, and creeped, ninja style, closer so I could hear what they were arguing about.
"You can't tell her about our secret!" A white girl with a pony tail said. "I don't like her."
"Kacey Bell. Why don't you like Kelsey?" Samm asked Kacey.
"Because she has way blonder hair than me."
"Don't worry. I'm not going to tell Kelsey anything." Samm replied.
"What about that other girl that you nearly killed?" Another white girl asked.
"I don't know Haley. Should we kill her? I don't like her that much anyway."
"NO! We can't do that, because then the story would be over and there wouldn't be anymore parts!" Haley said. What was this chick talkn' bout?
"Okay, what you just said didn't make any sense."
"I can see the future, remember? Cause I'm awesome like that. I see Cassidy writing an awesomely epic saga about us." Haley said.
"Okay.... you are crazy. But I won't kill her, if it will shut you up." Samm said.
Holy Calzones. These vampires might kill people! I have to stop them, I realized. But how would I do that? With a wooden stake? Pointy objects and me don't usually work out well. What about Holy Water? Well, I'm terrified of nuns, so that wouldn't work. I decided to research some stuff about killing vampires on the internet. I went home, got on to my computer, and googled 'How to Kill a Vampire'.
I clicked on this link that lead me to this website, and it read: "Have a vampire problem? Contact Jastan, the awesome iguana dude." What did that mean? Even though this dude sounded nuts, I was desprite, and called the number on the website.
"Hello?" A voice said on the other end of the phone.
"Yes, um..I have a vampire problem, and um.. I went to your website, and-"
"Where do you live?"
"Wellington."
"Sweet! I live there too. Help is on the way! Iguana man and his sidekicks to the rescue!" He yelled the last bit into my ear, then hung up.
Great. A crazy guy that goes by the name of iguana man knows where I live.
LAST TIME ON THE PERPLEXING PARODY OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA..... Alright. The town is Wellington, Texas, and a new, strange family has just moved there. The new family has four foster children, and all of them are freshmen. I met Samm, (the Edward of the story) when he was sitting in my desk, and he read my mind. I told Kelsey (the Bella of the story) that he was a vampire, but since she's blond, she didn't believe me. I lost control of my jeep at lunch, and would have killed Kelsey if Samm hadn't intervened. My jeep hit his hand, which left a dent, and flipped over them, and ended up rolling on the ground a bunch of times before coming to a stop.
My last coherent thought was, "Vampires suck." And I blacked out.
I came to in the hospital, with a very pale doctor's face above mine. "Oh good. You're not dead!" The doctor told me. I felt the side of my head, and found a giant bandage covering my wound.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"I'm new to this hospital, you've met my foster son, Samm already. My name is Dr. Richardson." He smiled at me, and I saw that he had fangs. He was a vampire too!
"OMG! You're a vampire!" I whispered, and backed away.
"SHHHHH!!!! Don't tell anyone! Please!" Dr. Richardson told me.
"I don't know..." He slipped me a hundred dollar bill. "Yay! money!" I yelled. Then I remembered my jeep. "(explicit word)! Your son just like, totaled my car! It's gonna take a whole lot more money to make that problem go away. This won't even pay for the paint job!"
"Alright, I'll give you more money later. You can go home now." Seriously? I just had a major car accident happen to me, and I was free to go? Awesome! I stood, felt absolutely fine (because this is fiction, anything can happen) and left the hospital room. I saw Samm having a heated discussion with some other really pale people, and creeped, ninja style, closer so I could hear what they were arguing about.
"You can't tell her about our secret!" A white girl with a pony tail said. "I don't like her."
"Kacey Bell. Why don't you like Kelsey?" Samm asked Kacey.
"Because she has way blonder hair than me."
"Don't worry. I'm not going to tell Kelsey anything." Samm replied.
"What about that other girl that you nearly killed?" Another white girl asked.
"I don't know Haley. Should we kill her? I don't like her that much anyway."
"NO! We can't do that, because then the story would be over and there wouldn't be anymore parts!" Haley said. What was this chick talkn' bout?
"Okay, what you just said didn't make any sense."
"I can see the future, remember? Cause I'm awesome like that. I see Cassidy writing an awesomely epic saga about us." Haley said.
"Okay.... you are crazy. But I won't kill her, if it will shut you up." Samm said.
Holy Calzones. These vampires might kill people! I have to stop them, I realized. But how would I do that? With a wooden stake? Pointy objects and me don't usually work out well. What about Holy Water? Well, I'm terrified of nuns, so that wouldn't work. I decided to research some stuff about killing vampires on the internet. I went home, got on to my computer, and googled 'How to Kill a Vampire'.
I clicked on this link that lead me to this website, and it read: "Have a vampire problem? Contact Jastan, the awesome iguana dude." What did that mean? Even though this dude sounded nuts, I was desprite, and called the number on the website.
"Hello?" A voice said on the other end of the phone.
"Yes, um..I have a vampire problem, and um.. I went to your website, and-"
"Where do you live?"
"Wellington."
"Sweet! I live there too. Help is on the way! Iguana man and his sidekicks to the rescue!" He yelled the last bit into my ear, then hung up.
Great. A crazy guy that goes by the name of iguana man knows where I live.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Perplexing Parody of The Twilight Saga Pt 1
Mrs. Waters, this is for my sick amusement. On Monday, December 5, Haley Neeley told me that I should write a parody to the Twilight Saga. I'm not obsessed with Twilight, unlike my mother. (I luv you mommy!) But I am team Jacob, because he has really awesome abs. :D I'm also not Bella. Kelsey plays her part in this, & Samm plays the part of Edward (Because he's apparently mad at me over choosing Chloe over him for a partner for a World Geography project, & I want to annoy him) but I changed some details so I could write this in first person.
Alright. The town is Wellington, Texas, and a new, strange family has just moved there. The new family has four foster children, and all of them are freshmen. The opening setting is Coach Bo's classroom, and I was having another heated discussion with my teacher about him being a hypocrite.
"But Coach! I already told you, I can't respect a hypocrite, so I can't be expected to respect or follow a hypocrite's rule, therefore, I can't follow your instructions." I stated.
"Miss Davis, if you don't respect me, right now, I will give you a zero every day for a week!"
"That's totally unfair!"
"Life is unfair! Get used to it!" He was yelling at me. That was totally not nice.
Just before I could respond in a smart-allacky way, the door opened, and a seriously pale dude with seriously wind-blown hair walked in. He passed by Kelsey Warren on his way to Coach Bo, and gagged. He looked like he was going to puke! Hopefully, right on Coach Bo. (Just kidding!) (not really.)
"And who are you? Coach Bo asked him.
The new, really white boy answered, "Reeves." He whipped his hair back and forth, Justin Beiber style. "Samm, Reeves."
"Oookaaay.... You can sit by Kelsey." Coach Bo told him.
Samm sat by Kelsey, and looked like he was trying hard not to throw up. Kelsey sniffed her arm pit, trying to find out what was the problem. As soon as the bell rang, Samm jumped up, and walked really fast out of the room.
"Hey! Weird kid! You can't leave until I say so!" Coach Bo yelled after him. "Alright, you all can go." We all left his class. I came into Coach Robert's class, and found Samm sitting in my chair.
"Hey. New dude. You're totally in my seat. Move." I told him.
"Bite me." he said. Oh no he didn't! I thought.
"Oh yes I did." He said. Whoa. What was up with that? Can this dude read minds?
"Yup. I totally can." OMG! What the crap?! Where did this kid come from?
"Coach Bo's class."
"How do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"That!"
"What do you mean, that?"
"You know!"
"Why would I ask you what you meant if I already knew?" Oh. This dude was asking for it.
"Stop with the mind games freak, and get out of my seat!"
Samm hissed at me. What the (explicit word)?! This guy had fangs!
"Tell me something I don't know." He read my mind again! Freaky... Is this guy a vampire? Like from that movie series?
"Whoa. You are totally a genius. Congrats."
Everyone started to file in behind me. I decided to sit on the opposite side of the room from the scary new kid.
Kelsey sat down beside me. "Hey Cass, why are you letting the new guy sit in your seat?" I saw Samm was staring at Kelsey like she was a Crunch Bar, or something.
I leaned in and whispered to her, "Kelsey, that dude is totally a vampire! He has fangs and everything!"
Kelsey laughed really loud. "Cass, just because the kid is really white, doesn't mean that he has to be a vampire. That would be silly."
"Will you please listen to me you stupid blond?! That dude wants to totally suck your neck!"
Coach Roberts heard my whisper. "Cassidy, don't talk like that! It's highly inappropriate. Now do my really long and boring work packet, and stop making fun of Kelsey. It's not her fault that she's really blond."
The rest of my morning was really dull, but how could it not be after some guy hissed at me? Finally, it was lunch time, and I was going to drive my jeep home. I climbed into my totally legit and awesome cherry-apple red jeep, and backed out of my parking space. I started to drive out of the parking lot, and suddenly, the tires lost their grip on the assfault, (ha. funny word.) and I was skidding out of control, straight towards Kelsey. Stupid icy roads.
I yelled out my window, "KELSEY! MOVE! I'M HEADING STRAIGHT TOWARDS YOU IN A DEADLY WEAPON ALSO KNOWN AS MY JEEP! THE ICE ON THE ROAD HAS MADE ME LOOSE CONTROL OF MY CAR! RUUUUUNNN WHITE GIRL!! RUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!"
She just stood in front of her car like a deer stuck staring down headlights. My jeep swerved closer, and closer, and closer, then I saw Samm suddenly appear between my jeep and Kelsey, and stick his hand out. That was dumb. Now I was going to kill two high school students. Great.
The jeep slammed into Samm's hand, and there was a loud crunch, and a giant dent appeared in my side door. I felt my jeep stop, then flip over in the air above Kelsey and him. My head hit the steering wheel, the the window, which cracked and shattered.
Good thing I always wear my seat belt! I thought sarcastically. Then remembered that Samm might be able to read my mind, and thought to him, YOU (explicit word)! YOU DENTED MY JEEP!
Blood started to flow from my head wound, and the jeep hit the ground behind Kelsey's car, and continued to rolled a couple more times before finally coming to a stop.
My last coherent thought was, "Vampires suck." And I blacked out.
Alright. The town is Wellington, Texas, and a new, strange family has just moved there. The new family has four foster children, and all of them are freshmen. The opening setting is Coach Bo's classroom, and I was having another heated discussion with my teacher about him being a hypocrite.
"But Coach! I already told you, I can't respect a hypocrite, so I can't be expected to respect or follow a hypocrite's rule, therefore, I can't follow your instructions." I stated.
"Miss Davis, if you don't respect me, right now, I will give you a zero every day for a week!"
"That's totally unfair!"
"Life is unfair! Get used to it!" He was yelling at me. That was totally not nice.
Just before I could respond in a smart-allacky way, the door opened, and a seriously pale dude with seriously wind-blown hair walked in. He passed by Kelsey Warren on his way to Coach Bo, and gagged. He looked like he was going to puke! Hopefully, right on Coach Bo. (Just kidding!) (not really.)
"And who are you? Coach Bo asked him.
The new, really white boy answered, "Reeves." He whipped his hair back and forth, Justin Beiber style. "Samm, Reeves."
"Oookaaay.... You can sit by Kelsey." Coach Bo told him.
Samm sat by Kelsey, and looked like he was trying hard not to throw up. Kelsey sniffed her arm pit, trying to find out what was the problem. As soon as the bell rang, Samm jumped up, and walked really fast out of the room.
"Hey! Weird kid! You can't leave until I say so!" Coach Bo yelled after him. "Alright, you all can go." We all left his class. I came into Coach Robert's class, and found Samm sitting in my chair.
"Hey. New dude. You're totally in my seat. Move." I told him.
"Bite me." he said. Oh no he didn't! I thought.
"Oh yes I did." He said. Whoa. What was up with that? Can this dude read minds?
"Yup. I totally can." OMG! What the crap?! Where did this kid come from?
"Coach Bo's class."
"How do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"That!"
"What do you mean, that?"
"You know!"
"Why would I ask you what you meant if I already knew?" Oh. This dude was asking for it.
"Stop with the mind games freak, and get out of my seat!"
Samm hissed at me. What the (explicit word)?! This guy had fangs!
"Tell me something I don't know." He read my mind again! Freaky... Is this guy a vampire? Like from that movie series?
"Whoa. You are totally a genius. Congrats."
Everyone started to file in behind me. I decided to sit on the opposite side of the room from the scary new kid.
Kelsey sat down beside me. "Hey Cass, why are you letting the new guy sit in your seat?" I saw Samm was staring at Kelsey like she was a Crunch Bar, or something.
I leaned in and whispered to her, "Kelsey, that dude is totally a vampire! He has fangs and everything!"
Kelsey laughed really loud. "Cass, just because the kid is really white, doesn't mean that he has to be a vampire. That would be silly."
"Will you please listen to me you stupid blond?! That dude wants to totally suck your neck!"
Coach Roberts heard my whisper. "Cassidy, don't talk like that! It's highly inappropriate. Now do my really long and boring work packet, and stop making fun of Kelsey. It's not her fault that she's really blond."
The rest of my morning was really dull, but how could it not be after some guy hissed at me? Finally, it was lunch time, and I was going to drive my jeep home. I climbed into my totally legit and awesome cherry-apple red jeep, and backed out of my parking space. I started to drive out of the parking lot, and suddenly, the tires lost their grip on the assfault, (ha. funny word.) and I was skidding out of control, straight towards Kelsey. Stupid icy roads.
I yelled out my window, "KELSEY! MOVE! I'M HEADING STRAIGHT TOWARDS YOU IN A DEADLY WEAPON ALSO KNOWN AS MY JEEP! THE ICE ON THE ROAD HAS MADE ME LOOSE CONTROL OF MY CAR! RUUUUUNNN WHITE GIRL!! RUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!"
She just stood in front of her car like a deer stuck staring down headlights. My jeep swerved closer, and closer, and closer, then I saw Samm suddenly appear between my jeep and Kelsey, and stick his hand out. That was dumb. Now I was going to kill two high school students. Great.
The jeep slammed into Samm's hand, and there was a loud crunch, and a giant dent appeared in my side door. I felt my jeep stop, then flip over in the air above Kelsey and him. My head hit the steering wheel, the the window, which cracked and shattered.
Good thing I always wear my seat belt! I thought sarcastically. Then remembered that Samm might be able to read my mind, and thought to him, YOU (explicit word)! YOU DENTED MY JEEP!
Blood started to flow from my head wound, and the jeep hit the ground behind Kelsey's car, and continued to rolled a couple more times before finally coming to a stop.
My last coherent thought was, "Vampires suck." And I blacked out.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Ouch.
The most excruciating pain I have ever had the displeasure of feeling was when I was still in elementary school. It was after a Girl Scouts meeting, when my mother was the most legit troop leader ever, and I was dancing around on the stage, pretending to be a ballerina. There wasn't anyone in the cafeteria but my mother and her friend. I was very aggravated that my mother wasn't paying attention to me, so I started to bawl. My mom still didn't look at me, she was deep in a conversation with her friend. I decided I would take a flying leap off of the stage, and jump on my mom's back to get her attention.
Now I know that this sounds foolish, but to the younger me, this sounded pretty smart. I jumped off the stage, and I would have ended up on my mom's back, but she moved, and my head slammed into the edge of the lunch table. I started to wail, and at last my mom noticed me. The pain felt horrible. It was like a fire had broken out inside my head, and little devils were pounding drums in my brain, Like the picture above shows. There wasn't any blood, or even a bump, so my mom thought I was just being a baby. My mom told me to stop crying, and I did. I got really sleepy, my head got kind of foggy, and my eyes closed. My mom saw me fall asleep, and she freaked out.
I don't remember what happened after that, but apparently I didn't die from my head wound, because I'm still alive today. On the bright side, I got the Girl Scout badge of courage. JK! :)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Best Invention Ever: The Snuggie!
Have you ever been cold, but your blanket kept falling of of you? Ever get tired of having to keep pulling it up, to keep you covered? Well, I don't have that problem anymore, thanks the my handy-dandy Snuggie!I believe the Snuggie is one of the best inventions of this century. Why? Because it's a blanket, and a jacket, and highly amusing piece of clothing, all at once! I can now keep toasty warm, anywhere I go, with my lovely Snuggie! They come in all kinds of interesting shades and patterns, and are one-size fits all!
Buy One Today, and experience the awesomeness of the Snuggie!
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