Mrs. Waters, this is for my sick amusement. This is also part 2 of my parody of the Twilight Saga.
LAST TIME ON THE PERPLEXING PARODY OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA..... Alright. The town is Wellington, Texas, and a new, strange family has just moved there. The new family has four foster children, and all of them are freshmen. I met Samm, (the Edward of the story) when he was sitting in my desk, and he read my mind. I told Kelsey (the Bella of the story) that he was a vampire, but since she's blond, she didn't believe me. I lost control of my jeep at lunch, and would have killed Kelsey if Samm hadn't intervened. My jeep hit his hand, which left a dent, and flipped over them, and ended up rolling on the ground a bunch of times before coming to a stop.
My last coherent thought was, "Vampires suck." And I blacked out.
I came to in the hospital, with a very pale doctor's face above mine. "Oh good. You're not dead!" The doctor told me. I felt the side of my head, and found a giant bandage covering my wound.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"I'm new to this hospital, you've met my foster son, Samm already. My name is Dr. Richardson." He smiled at me, and I saw that he had fangs. He was a vampire too!
"OMG! You're a vampire!" I whispered, and backed away.
"SHHHHH!!!! Don't tell anyone! Please!" Dr. Richardson told me.
"I don't know..." He slipped me a hundred dollar bill. "Yay! money!" I yelled. Then I remembered my jeep. "(explicit word)! Your son just like, totaled my car! It's gonna take a whole lot more money to make that problem go away. This won't even pay for the paint job!"
"Alright, I'll give you more money later. You can go home now." Seriously? I just had a major car accident happen to me, and I was free to go? Awesome! I stood, felt absolutely fine (because this is fiction, anything can happen) and left the hospital room. I saw Samm having a heated discussion with some other really pale people, and creeped, ninja style, closer so I could hear what they were arguing about.
"You can't tell her about our secret!" A white girl with a pony tail said. "I don't like her."
"Kacey Bell. Why don't you like Kelsey?" Samm asked Kacey.
"Because she has way blonder hair than me."
"Don't worry. I'm not going to tell Kelsey anything." Samm replied.
"What about that other girl that you nearly killed?" Another white girl asked.
"I don't know Haley. Should we kill her? I don't like her that much anyway."
"NO! We can't do that, because then the story would be over and there wouldn't be anymore parts!" Haley said. What was this chick talkn' bout?
"Okay, what you just said didn't make any sense."
"I can see the future, remember? Cause I'm awesome like that. I see Cassidy writing an awesomely epic saga about us." Haley said.
"Okay.... you are crazy. But I won't kill her, if it will shut you up." Samm said.
Holy Calzones. These vampires might kill people! I have to stop them, I realized. But how would I do that? With a wooden stake? Pointy objects and me don't usually work out well. What about Holy Water? Well, I'm terrified of nuns, so that wouldn't work. I decided to research some stuff about killing vampires on the internet. I went home, got on to my computer, and googled 'How to Kill a Vampire'.
I clicked on this link that lead me to this website, and it read: "Have a vampire problem? Contact Jastan, the awesome iguana dude." What did that mean? Even though this dude sounded nuts, I was desprite, and called the number on the website.
"Hello?" A voice said on the other end of the phone.
"Yes, um..I have a vampire problem, and um.. I went to your website, and-"
"Where do you live?"
"Wellington."
"Sweet! I live there too. Help is on the way! Iguana man and his sidekicks to the rescue!" He yelled the last bit into my ear, then hung up.
Great. A crazy guy that goes by the name of iguana man knows where I live.
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