LAST TIME ON THE PERPLEXING PARODY OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA..... My jeep was totaled when Samm the vampire dude hit it to stop my lovely jeep from hitting Kelsey, the Bella of this parody. I woke up in the hospital, and found Dr. Richardson standing over me. He gave me money for my jeep, and I left the room, and found Samm arguing with Haley and Kacey, his foster sisters. I heard them talk about killing me, so I freaked, and went home. I googled 'how to kill a vampire' and found this website that told me to call a number. A guy named Jastan picked up the phone, and shouted that the iguana man was going to save the day, and kill the bad vampires.
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| Jastan The Iguana Man |
The next day, I left my home in my sister Macy's old pick up, because my jeep was a heap of scrap medal. I was about to enter the school when I was jumped by someone.
I started to scream for help. "AHHH! HELP! SOMEONE IS JUMPING ME! THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE MY MONEY!"
"Shut up! I'm Jastan, the Iguana Man! I'm here to help!" Jastan yelled at me.
"Oh. Cool! So, where are your sidekicks?" I asked.
He pointed behind him at some teenaged people. "This is Mattie, Brittany, Sydney (Sydney Jones, not Dakota's female friend) and Michael. They are my awesome sidekicks."
"Why are they all girls?" I asked.
"HEY! I'm not a girl!" Michael yelled.
"SHUT UP MICHAEL! They are all girls because they are all female dogs."
"WHAT?!" I shouted.
"Watch this!" Jastan said. "OKAY EVERYBODY! On the count of three. One, Two, Three!"
As soon as Jastan said three, his sidekicks all turned into tiny chihuahuas. Brittany had turned into a cute little white chihuahua, lifted up her paw, and girrred at me. Mattie turned into a tan chihuahua, and barked, very high-pitched. Sydney turned into a little black chihuahua, because she's really Jonathan's daughter, and jumped up in the air. Michael turned into a chihuahua that was brown, because he's truely gangster. Michael growled at me.
I turned to Jastan. "THAT IS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! THEY ARE SOOOOO CUTE!"
"You haven't seen nothn' yet. Watch this!" Jastan turned into a neon green iguana.
"FROZEN FISH STICKS! THAT IS.....THERE ISN'T EVEN A WAY TO DESCRIBE HOW AWESOME THAT IS!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!! I'M OVERWHELMED WITH THE AWESOMENESS OF IT!!" I had to shield my eyes from the pure legitness of Iguana Man.
Iguana Man spoke to me. (Because this is fiction, anything can happen) "I know. The first time you see the pure gangsterness that is Iguana Man and his sidekicks can be overwhelming. Sometimes, your eye sockets might bleed from the sheer epicness. So, where are the vampires? We'll deal with them."
"They should all be in Art Class. Go Iguana Man and Friends, and kill the evil demons!" I shouted.
And they were off. I followed after them. I started to sing their theme song. It went along with the rythem of the Batman theme song. It went like this:
"Dunununa Dunununa
Iguana Man!
Dunununa Dunununa
And His Friends!
Dunununa Dunununa
Are Awesome!"
"SHUT UP!" Britney barked.
They all stopped when we came to the front door.
"NOO!! Cursed door! We can't deal with the vampires with this blocking our way. We can't open it, because we have no thumbs! What will we do?" Jastan said.
Just then, Samm, Haley, Kacey, and and other vampire who must be Chloe walked out the door, and stopped in front of us.
"AMIGOS OF IGUANA MAN! ATTACK!!!!!" Jastan shouted his battle cry, and the chihuahuas and the awesome Iguana Man charged, and using his very sharp claws, cut off Samm's head in one swift swipe.
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