GOAL USA

If I had a $100,000, and I had to give it away, I'd give it to a charity called GOAL USA. Why, you ask? Because they help not just in short term, but in long term ways to help people, such as building houses and development of local infrastructure and sometimes wells. This, instead of short term help like supplying food and water rations, will help stabilize the area and make the rebuilding process easier. Therefor, I trust that this organization will help many people, even though I really wouldn't want to part with that serious lump of cash.

Hot Chocolate!

"Hot Chocolate", a scene from "The Polar Express"

If a cow could produce something besides milk, judging from the data I've assembled recently, it would without a doubt produce hot chocolate. This would radically change the world, because we would never have to make hot chocolate from scratch, saving countless minutes of time that would've been wasted ripping open and pouring packets of cocoa mix into liquids. Of course the hot chocolate would have to be heated up manually, since it would be impossible and very painful for a cow to make the drink hot, but I believe the delicious beverage would be very much worth it. Try add a little hazelnut flavoring, whip cream, and sprinkle cinnamon on top, which will make the chocolate experience even more amahzang. Your welcome.

Wellington High 2.0

If I could improve the school by adding things to it, I'd add a lot.

First off, I'd redecorate the classrooms (I think the walls and carpet are absolutely snore worthy) and make each classroom unique, with the input of the teacher who's assigned to the room, of course. Then I'd get rid of that awful fluorescent lighting and change to something much more stylish.

After that was done, I'd rebuild the commons area, and make a break room for the students that would include a super large TV, bookshelves (mostly for me), and a snack bar that would make vending machines things of the past, and a rack of pencils, mechanical pencils, erasers, computer chargers, notebooks, ect. for a student in need. I'd then add an improved trophy display case with revolving shelves so more trophies could be on display. (Since our school is so talented, I figure we're just going to be overflowing with trophies soon ;) )

Finally, I'd add an observatory, so that we can look at planets and all the other outer space stuff. Then I'd add another library (again with the books) so that high school students could better access reading material.

And that concludes my design of Wellington High School 2.0.

The Case of The Open Car Door

When was the last time I was really mad?
Well, the night before Thanksgiving I let Macy borrow my jeep because my cousin Cortney and her boyfriend were in town and wanted to go out. I even let Dalten- I mean Dalten- ride with them. See how nice I was? And my kindness was repaid with someone leaving the passenger's door open all night long. My jeep was dead, and nobody was fessing up to the crime.

Who done it?
I only see Cortney about once a year, and I'd never met her boyfriend before, so I had to be nice and not accuse either of them of anything. Since Macy's was the one driving, she didn't leave the door open. That leaves Dalten.

You better watch out, Dalten. I want revenge.

A Bunch 'o Quick Jokes

Why do Farts stink?
So that Deaf people can enjoy them too.

What do you call a Fish without an eye?
A 'Fsh'!

What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer. (read that again if you didn't get it)

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.

When were vowels invented?
When u and i were born.

What do you get when you cross a parrot and a lion?
I don't know, but when it talks you'd better listen.

Last one:
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the baseball team?
Because she ran away from the ball.


ZING!

Gracias!

Soooo Thanksgiving is right around the corner. I'm very thankful for many, many, many things, but I'm only required to list five of them, so here it goes...

5.) My Edumacation
I'm thankful for my education because it'll obviously benefit me in life, and I get to use my awesome vocabulary/slightly made-up words to amuse myself in a plethora ways. And yes, I said plethora.

4.) My Sense of Humor
I'm grateful for this because if you can't laugh and or make fun at/or life and it's idiotic moments/people who are in it with you, then you're on a short path to depression that ends with empty bottles of alcohol.


3.) My Buds
I love and care about my friends, even though I don't show it all the time. I hate it when they're mad, especially at me or at each other. So if you're my friend and you're reading this right now, hold hands with someone you're mad at and start singing Kum-Ba-Yah. You don't have to. I'm just say'n that would be fun.

2.) My Family
My family's been there since the day I was born- well kind of, my dad was at Walmart when I was born but whatever- and I got a feeling that a lot of my family will be standing around my grave when I'm gone- one of them dressed as the grim reaper, so if you see him, don't freak. He's just there for my sick amusement. :P

1.) Jesus (Duh)
Clearly, without Jesus dying on the cross for our sins, we'd all be falling from an airplane without a parachute (figuratively of course). Unless you're a Jew, which I am not. Nothing against Jews. I'm just saying that without Jesus the Jews would be the only ones able to get into Heaven. If you doubt me, Google it. But seriously, Jesus is just awesome incarnate.

Channing Tatum and me, Sitting beneath a Coconut Tree...

Alwight, so if I was going to be deserted on an island with one friend and two items, I would pick Channing Tatum as my buddy, and a genie lamp and a "pole" as my two items. I think it's clear why I'd bring Mr. Chip-and-Dale and the items.

First order of  business on the island would be setting up the "pole".  Then I would summon the genie while Mr. Tatum begins "entertaining".

After the genie is summoned, I'd wish that the rules of wish-making (can't bring back the dead, can't wish for more wishes, can't wish for love) didn't apply to me. (loophole) I'd then wish for a never-ending number of wishes, Channing Tatum's never ending love for me, and a magical box that conjurers anything I want (food, drinks, a tempurpedic mattress JUST TO SLEEP ON, money to throw at Channing Tatum) and finally, I'd wish to summon Osama Bin Laden back from the grave so I can kill him slowly and painfully for the crimes he committed against our country.

Years later, after mine and Channing's children have been born, I'd wish that the island was bigger, then I'd wish for a really big house, finally, I'd wish that Channing's body would never be less muscular and trim so I could enjoy his company for years to come.

END!

Dull-Witted.

Alright, so these parents posted "embarrassing" pictures of themselves on their daughter's Facebook because their daughter "got fresh" with them. (What does that even mean? Did she call them "dog" or refer to her actions as "gangsta"?)

Whatever the reason, posting on your daughter's Facebook isn't a good way of punishing your kid. UNLESS you get national attention for it. Then your daughter is SO MAJORLY embarrassed, she goes into her room and hangs herself in her closet. Then you've got a dead kid in the closet. Not a good turn of events, now is it? (I'm just say'n. Stuff happens. People get crazy.)

I think that sure, the parents did buy her the computer, the internet, yada yada, but they didn't pay for her Facebook account. That was free. And since she got it for herself, no, I don't think it classifies as her parents property. And hacking into an account is illegal, so if the daughter wanted, she could sue her parents for the hacking of her account. After all, it did cause her emotional damage and unwanted media attention. (Didn't think of that, parents, now did ya?)

I can't see my parents doing this to me on the grounds of; I'm always "fresh", I don't have a Facebook, everyone knows how insane my mother is, and my dad would never take funny pictures for any reason.

I guess the bottom line is that some things shouldn't be posted on the internet. Some stuff just needs to stay in reality. Like disciplining your children.

The Epic Procrastinator

Talent: a natural ability or skill. Noun.

Yes, it is true that everyone has a talent. But sometimes the talent isn't beneficial. Like mine.

As soon as I learned to procrastinate I was a hit. I was a natural. I can manage to entertain myself by doodling flowers and funny faces on my math paper (which is due the next day) for several hours, then BAM, it's eleven o'clock and time for bed. I also have the ability to somehow convince myself subconsciously that I can complete an English essay or blog in the class period before I have to turn it in. Needless to say, this doesn't always work out.

Will I ever get over my talent?
I'll think about it later.

Halloween Do's and Don'ts

I'm a middle-grounder when it comes to whether or not teenagers should trick-or-treat or not.

I think that as long as the kid is actually dressed in a Halloween costume and not a lame excuse for one, you should give him/her candy.

But, I admit, I am one of those people who give out candy based on their costume. As in if a little girl comes to my door dressed as a kitty- see picture for kitty reference- she gets a handful of candy and possibly a pinch on her cute wittle cheek. If a zombie comes to my door, he/she gets the door slammed in their face. (I'm afraid of zombies. Don't judge me.)

As for age limit, YES THERE IS AN AGE LIMIT. If you are an adult (over the age of 18), don't come knock'n at my door. Especially if you have gray or graying hair. Then I will call the police and force the children around you to run away because to me you are a creeper and a danger to children. Just saying.

Ah, The Good Ol' Days

Remember back when everybody was a cute little kid? And everyone had good morals? And "stupid" and "shut up" were curse words? Or what about nap time? Ah, those were the days... In fact, I have several amahzang memories, so I'm gonna go ahead and do a count down.

Number 3. Conversation With 5th Grade Dakota

          It was a sunny day, during the TAKS tests. I was sitting on the swings, and a little boy with pale skin and a dark bowl-cut hairstyle came over and started smack'n his mouth. (He still hasn't stopped) The best part of this conversation was when Dakota asked me if there was water on the moon. So contrary to popular belief, Dakota Warren wasn't born knowing everything.

Number 2. Harlie Depew Bit Me

           I think this was sometime around third grade, and it was either cold, raining, or both. We were playing dodge ball in the gym. (I remember comparing this game to war, and thought forcing children to reenact such a thing was barbaric) Long story short, she bit me, I bit back, we ended up in detention, the end.


Number 1.  I Fight With Octavia

           I think this is probably one of the weirdest memories I have of that (cough cough ratchet cough) girl. We were sitting back-to-back in the cafeteria, eating lunch, when suddenly I hear a distinctive sound. Somebody done did fart. Octavia then turned around and shouted loudly that I was the one who farted, and I protested that I was definitely not flatulent. She then made several wild hand motions and a series of "Uh huh!" and "yeah right!". By the end of this experience, I couldn't figure out if I should laugh or be a little angry. To this day, I still testify that it was her who let it rip.

         

Mi Tres el Animal Peeves

Step Uno: Pet Peeves- noun, something that ticks you off.

Step Dos:

                PEOPLE WHO AR FREAK'N MEAN FOR NO FREAK'N REASON
                           I don't like it when people are unfriendly for no reason. If you don't have a good reason to act a certain way towards someone, then just be friendly. Don't just assume you can act however you want. You'll make an *** out of you and me. :P

                BAD FREAK'N ATTITUDE
                           I know that some people like relaxing- I am one of those people- but it irks me when people just shrug off grades that fail them for the semester and shrug off that they just disrespected their teacher/ a teacher.

                FREAK'N HYPOCRITES
                            Before you criticize somebody, follow my mother's advice: you best check yo self before you wreck yo self. If somebody's got a bad freak'n attitude or somebody's being freak'n mean for no freak'n reason, take a step back and think if you do the same thing before you tell them, "Hey, Cassidy says you shouldn't do that!" because nobody likes a freak'n hypocrite. Especially me.

Step Tres: Terminado!

Step Cuatro: Terminado!

And so, this blog post is FREAK'N TERMINADO!

If You are Chinese, Don't Read This

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (Sound out the Chinese version SLOWLY out loud, it helps a lot)

Where´s the restroom? - Ai Pe Nau
Annoying teenaged boy - Hit Dat Boi
Your price is too high - Ai No Bai Fo Dang Ting
You are not very bright - Yu So Dum
I am not guilty - Wai No Hang Mi
Hey, I think we have a serious problem here! - Sum Ting Wong
Saying the same thing several times - Ri Pi Ting
You're using drugs too much - Ju Tu Hai
Your body odor is so offensive - Yu Stin Ki Pu
I didn´t know that you liked the song Call Me Maybe - Wai Yu Sing Dum Song
Phew, this bathroom stink! - Hu Flung Dung
I think you need a face lift - Chin Tu Fat
I am staying out of sight - Lei Ying Lo
Great - Su Pah!

Congratulations, you are now bilingual.

JOKE ON PRESIDENT

(My spider post is under this one. This isn't a parody, it's just a joke I found.)


Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor.

"Sir," a Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath.

"Did you see this accident happen?"

"Yep. Sure did." The man muttered.

"Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?"

"Yep."

"Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped.

"Nope. They's all killeded straight out. I done buried them all myself. Took most o' tha morn'n."

"The President of the United States is dead?" The agent gulped in disbelief.

"Well, he kept a-saying he wasn't ... but you know what a liar he was."

Diary of A Mad Furry Spider

My horrid ordeal started when I was kidnapped by an evil scientist while visiting China and somehow was transformed into an itsy-bitsy spider. And it only got worse from there. I managed to escape my cage, and just before I made it to the window, BAM! I got swatted by a flyswatter.

"HAHA, PUNY SPIDER! IF I CAN'T EXPIRIMENT ON YOU, YOU SHALL DIEEEEE!" the mad lady screamed.

I cried in my squeaky voice, "Evasive Manuvers!" and jumped onto the flyswatter, and began skittering up it, and jumped onto the horrid woman's face. She screamed in terror and tried to swat me away. Without thinking, I rushed across her cheek, tripped, and fell into a very smelly, dark, and waxy crevice-like thing.

I couldn't see the mad scientist, but I could hear her angry voice and crazy ramblings. I wouldv'e ran for it, but I was too traumatized by my ordeal. It was almost a blessing when I was washed out of the woman's ear at the hospital. I quickly slipped away, and I am most certainly glad my aweful expirience is over- even if I'm still stuck in spider-form.

The Sun's The Center of The Universe, Not You.

I was a bad little kid around the age of four or so. (Okay, so I still have my moments) I was spoiled, and I thought I was the most important person in the world so everyone should be thinking about me and want to entertain me. Then, one life changing day, I learned that the sun was the center of the universe, and I was just a little kid stuck on a tiny planet in space. So remember, children: You don't matter half as much as you think you do.

My Dad's Favorite Life Lesson: Money Matters!

My Mom's Favorite Life Lesson: Money Grows on Trees! So Spend Some!

Either Way, I'm Good

Weeeeell, if I had to choose between being rich and ugly or poor and smoke'n hot, in the long run, I'd be cool with being rich and ugly.

My reason is even if you looked like the clone of Marilyn Monroe, when you get old, you get wrinkles, lines, saggy skin, and a number of other unattractive things that- sadly- comes with age. In short, beauty fades, but with the right investments and savings, money lasts forever.

Or at least until you finally kick the bucket, and you're adopted kids- I wouldn't want to curse my children with the extreme ugliness that came with getting all that cash- squander the fortune until they're all homeless and sleeping inside McDonalds with McBurger wrappers as pillows.

1st Week of School

For me, the first week of school was like a smack in the face.

A hard smack in the face.

Suddenly, I realized that I was facing another nine months of waking up early, running clear across campus every forty-five minutes to avoid lunch detention, and trying to remember homework and when to study for tests. Needless to say, I have mixed feelings.

So far, none of my classes have been too demanding. The only downside I see to this year so far is that I barely have any time to read books. But other than that, Sophomore year seems to be smooth sailing.

This Is The Last Post Till Next Year

Write A Rant.

Ranting. It's the funnest thing in the world, and it's a quick way to relieve stress. But to other people who are listening to the rant, it's the most annoying thing EVER. Nobody wants to hear a person talk about their problems forever and have a pity party fit for one. It. Is. PATHETIC. So if you feel the need to rant, SUCK IT UP. I don't wanna hear it.

(P.S. This was a rant about ranting)
(P.S.S. The comments to this blog post are entertaining)

The Less Instructions You Give For Blog Posts, The Better

The less instructions you give on an assignment, say, instructions on a certain weekly blog posting, the better. For instance, the instructions left by Mrs. Waters for this blog just said, "Have you ever heard the phrase, 'less is more'?" (yes I have) and instructed us to write a blog with four sentences. So, in theory, I could write anything as my fourth sentence, and still follow the rules.

This sentence concludes my blog.

A TERRIBLE JOKE THAT ENDS HILARIOUSLY

A carpenter had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he'd lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a small bump.

"No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the bump.

After he was finished with the bump, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway,"

"But I just..." the man started.

"Now," she said, "if only I could find my parakeet."

My Mom Was a (explicit word) !

In high school, my dad was totally the brainiac redhead who everyone was like, "Dang, there's Jerry Dan, being all smart and stuff,".

My mom was a cheerleader (enough said). My mom dated lots of guys in high school, some she's not proud of (Chloe O'Rear's dad).

Thankfully she found my dad and said, "Booyah! Imma get me a redhead." Years later, they got married, and Macy came along in a baby carriage.

A year later, my mom went to Vegas. Nine months later, I was born.

(not everything that happens in vegas, stays in vegas)

Coach Bo vs. Mrs. Jaimes and Madonna

The students were in Mrs. Jaimes' classroom, learning how to say "banana" in Spanish. Just then, Mrs. Carter, better known as Madonna, blew up the wall.

Madonna walked through the new smoking opening, and said, "Mrs. Jaimes! I have something important to tell you!"

Mrs. Jaimes stood up, struck a heroic pose, and asked, "What is it?"

"Hi."

"Oh my gatos." Mrs. Jaimes exclaimed.

"Oh, and something else!" Madonna said. "Coach-"

Thud..... Thud.....

Kelsey asked, "What was tha-"

Thud..... THUD..... THUD......

Just then, the giant metallic face of Decipticon Coach Bo filled the windows. "MRS. JAIMES AND MRS. CARTER! SAVE US!" Logan and Jonathan begged, hiding behind a piñata together.

Mrs. Jaimes turned into her autobot form with a sombraro, and Madonna turned into a pink autobot. Coach Bo roared like a T-rex, and swiped his clawed hand, breaking all of the windows.

Mrs. Jaimes pressed the play button on her stereo, and Le Cucaracha started blasting. She fired hot salsa from her salsa gun into Coach Bo's eyes, and he roared in pain. Madonna tossed flaming chocolate chip cookies of death into Coach Bo's open mouth, and his tongue automatically caught on fire.

"RAAARRR!" Coach Bo cried, his giant metallic feet thud thuding all the way out of town.

"Yeah for Mrs. Jaimes and Madonna!" the students screamed.

"IT'S LE CUCARACHA TIME!" Mrs. Jaimes yelled, and everyone triumphantly did the cucaracha.

My Amaaaahzzing Room

It's big. It's bad, and it's the closest thing I could find to my dream bedroom! My dream bedroom would have a huge domed ceiling with Vincent Van Gogh's "Starry Night" painted on. The walls would be black with white trim, and there would be fluffy white carpet stretching form one side of the room to another. The bed and furniture would be like the ones in the picture, but the upholstery would be royal blue silk(cause silk is amaaaahzzing) and the wood would be black. The curtains would be royal blue silk(cause silk is amaaaahzzing) and the windows would view the sights of ancient Greece, right into the coliseum where people were being slaughtered by lions and tigers for sport (cause people being slaughtered by animals is amaaaahzzing).

The last words contained in the parentheses weren't really true.
(Yes they were)

Carly Carter's Mother Subs a Class

Madonna (Carly Carter's mother) was subbing for Mrs. Waters 2d period class.

"Children, please get on Study Island!"

"NO!" the students yelled.

"Please?!"

"NO!"

Just then, Decepticon Coach Bo busted through the window.

"AAHHH!!" Jastan screamed. "HE'S BACK! SOMEONE GET MRS. JAIMES!"

"SHE'LL NEVER REACH US IN TIME!" Chloe said. "Trust me, I am mexican."

Kacey's head jerked up. "Wait, no you aren't-"

"Die, puny adolescent humans!" Coach Bo said as his arms shifted into machine guns.

Carly screamed, "MOMMY, SAVE ME!"

Mrs. C transformed into a pink Autobot, and blew up Coach Bo's midsection with a hand grenade.

"You shall pay for this, Madonna! I'LL BE BACK!" (Terminator reference) with that, Coach Bo fled through the broken window.

"YEAH MADONNA!" the students cheered from beneath their desks.

"Thank you, children. Now please get on Study Island." Madonna said.

"NO!" the students replied.

Charles Manson Gets a Parole Hearing

This is Charles Manson, convicted killer of nine people and cult leader. He also claims to be the messiah. I mean, Seriously? This guy has a swastika on his forehead!

He has a parole hearing.

Will Mr. Manson be the next OJ Simson or Kacey Anthony? (After these people die and go to their eternal resting place, they'll wish for ice water, but won't get any! :D)

Click here if you dare...

So That's Why I'm Disturbed...

       By listing my favorite book, movie, and song, I have realized why I'm so disturbed and unstable in the brain. I blame my parents.
       My favorite book of all time is Desperation, by Steven King. If you don't like lots of death, destruction,  devastation, and unhappy endings, don't read this book. It is filled with horrible and nightmarish deaths and highly disturbing situations that will lead you to question the existence your very soul. This is why I love the book so.
       My favorite movie of all time is Little Nemo, which is NOT to be confused with Finding Nemo. Little Nemo is ten times as great as Finding Nemo, mainly because it doesn't involve fish. The story involves clowns, fairies, colorful flowers, and a huge dark demonic being that wishes to destroy all humanity. It's a lovely children's cartoon.
       The title of my favorite song is very explicit, so I don't feel comfortable listing it. Let's just say that it isn't school appropriate. So there.

Do It For The Children

Dear Best Principal EVER,

           The students of your school would highly appreciate your kindness and generosity if you allow us out of prison- I mean the fine learning environment that you oversee- for a viewing of The Hunger Games. 99.9% of students are about to explode from excitement about the coming movie, and if the students don't see the film soon, I fear they will spontaneously combust on school property, which can be very, very messy. We, the students, would gladly provide the amount of money to admit ourselves into the theater, so it would cost the school nothing. So please, Mr. Principal, Surprime Overlord of Wellington High, Beloved by all faculty and students, open your heart. Do it for the children.

                                                                              Only One of The Many Amazing, Caring, Responsible, Honorable Students of Wellington High School,
                                                                                         Cassidy Davis

I Miss Ya Already, Jordan!

Jordan:

         Though we never really hung out, I know you're pals with Macy, my sissy, and I know that she thinks you're awesome, which makes me think you must be pretty cool. So, you moving makes me sad. But don't worry, I'll comfort Macy when she's crying into her pillow screaming your name.

                        Best of luck in Utah,
                        Cassidy

Just Chill'n in ma Snuggie

When I'm feeling yucky inside, (not from emotional distress, I'm basically dead inside) I preform several easy steps to get back to wellness.

1. Take a bubble bath! Bubbles have magic  powers! BUBBLES!

2. Gag yourself! When your stomach's feeling ugly, just puke out the bad stuff in your gut!

3. Get a snuggie, and chill in it.

If none of the steps above help you, you have cancer. Sorry.

OH MY GOSH! HE SO CUTE!

Sorry, I couldn't resist posting this. HE JUST SO CUUUUTTTEEE!

My blog for the week is Mean Girls In Hawaii, which can be located by clicking on the title of my blog. Or, if you already did that, you can scroll down to the post below this one.

Ah! He just so cute!

Mean Girls in Hawaii

A group of MEAN GIRLS were walking around a beach in beautiful Hawaii, oblivious to the dangers of their surroundings. As they walked, they struck up a conversation.

"You know who's looking fine today? Seth Mosakowski." Karen, an air-headed-blond stated.

"Okay, you did not just say that." Gretchen, a spunky brunette said.

"What? He's a good kisser." Karen protested.

"He's your cousin." Gretchen said.

"Yeah, but he's my first cousin." Karen stated.

"Right!" Gretchen said.

"So, you have your cousins, and you have your first cousins, and then you have your second cousins-"

"No, honey," Gretchen interrupted. "Uh-uh."

"That's not right, is it?"

"That is so not right."

"Gah, Karen, you are so stupid!" Regina George said, flipping her blond hair.

"You're not stupid, Karen." Cady said.

"No, I am actually. I'm failing almost everything!"

"Well, there must be something you're good at."

"I can stick my whole fist in my mouth! Wanna see?"

Just before Karen was going to demonstrate her talent, a coconut fell from a palm tree, and hit Regina George on the top of her head.

And that's how Regina George died.

Smokey Tha Bandit and His Gang of Hooligans

"Smokey! Tha weally big dowg is on to us agwain! We gotta get out of hea!" Pokey pleaded.

"No. We gonna get that twash can." Smokey said. "The wotwiler not gonna get hea untwill we long gone. We gotta get to that leftova tuwky!"

"But boss-" Dopy started.

"No buts. We be so close!" Smokey said greedily, rubbing his paws together. "I can awmost taste that stuff'n!"

Smokey gave the signal, and his gang charged at the trash can. Pokey toppled the can in one hit, sending the metal can to the ground with a large bang. Dopy tossed the lid aside, and dragged out the leftover goodies from the Waters Family's Thanksgiving meal.

The hungry trio took their plunder halfway down the alley before the rottweiler caught sight of them. It barked, and charged at them. "Stop dat run'n, hooligans! Bark bark! I gonna catch ya!"

"Boss, we can't keep up wit you! We gonna have to drop the turkwy, or else the dowg gonna catch us!" Dopy cried.

"No! You two go own ahead, I will deal wit tha dowg!" Smokey told them as he turned around to face the mutt.

"I got ya now, ya devil in disguise! Or some'tin!" the rottweiler growled, lowering his head.

Smokey gasped. "You know my secwet?"

"Bark! I smelled trouble on ya, and it took me a bit to figa out why, but I did. You a cat!"

Smokey got down on his paws and fur-covered knees, and begged, "Pwease, don't tell tha racoons. They twink I'm smawt, I get to boss them awound, and the food is much bettaw than catnip! I'm live'n tha sweet wife! Don't make me go back to da old wady!" Smokey wined.

"Why shwould I take pitwy on ya?" the rotweiler questioned. "Ya and your gang stealed from innocent peoples twash cans!"

"PWEASE! There must be some kinda deal we can make!" Smokey cried.

The rottweiler thought a moment. "Fine. I'll keep ya dirtwy wittle secwe, if ya stop steawing tha Waters family's trash."

"Deawl," Smokey said, shaking the dog's paw. "I'll go tell da boys, and we won't bothwa yas anymores."

Smokey scampered off into the night, and Rodger the rottweiler smiled in victory as he successfully defended his owner's trashcan from the nighttime criminals known as Smokey the bandit and his gang of hooligans.

Smelly The Disgusting Horse

Smelly the disgusting horse was standing in his stall, wondering how to scratch his derrière. As he continued to contemplate his problem, the irritation in his backside grew. At last, Smelly couldn't take it anymore.

He backed up against the fence, and neighed in contentment as his gluteus maximus was satisfied.

Little did Smelly know that Fancy, his lady horse lover, was watching. She whinnied in disgust, and galloped over to Smelly to tell him that their relationship was over.

 So Smelly, a lonely, single horse, scratched his groove thang in dismay.

We're Gonna Need a Body Bag. Make It Three.

A father and his daughter were fishing beside a peaceful river, enjoying a relaxing evening of fishing and father-daughter bonding. The father handed his daughter Trina the pole, and instructed her to wait until the line was pulled taunt, then she could real in a fish.

As soon as Trina took the pole, she felt a tug. "Daddy, can I pull it now?"

"Sure!" The father said, astonished that a fish took the bait so quickly.

The little girl pulled, but the fish pulled back. "Daddy, I can't real it in! Help!"

"You can do it, just real it in some more, and-" the father stopped speaking when the line snapped. The girl started to cry. "It's okay honey. We'll get it next time."

Trina pointed at the middle of the river, and asked, "Daddy, what's that?"

The father looked, and gasped. He took out his cell phone, and called the sheriff. "Don, we're gonna need a body bag. It looks like the gator got another person. No, I only see a bloody leg, and the guy's head is bobbing in some water weeds. I think that-"

Before the father could finish, he the giant jaws of a mammoth-sized gator opened wide, and swallowed the man and his daughter in one bite. The gator sank back into the river, it's stomach full of bodies. He enjoyed the feeling of being satisfied, but the gator acknowledged that he would have to feed again.

And soon.

(scary music starts to play)

A Short Rendition of The Senses

SIGHT- the gooey awesomeness of a red lava lamp.
TOUCH- the immense weight of an unopened five hundred page book.
SOUND- blaring music, so loud my jeep bounces up and down.
TASTE- a healthy sweet onion chicken teriyaki footlong sandwich from Subway.
SMELL- a cool, clear ocean breeze while sitting on a beach in Hawaii.

Short Parody of Coach Bo's 3d Period Class

Coach Bo had just handed back a test, and we all gasped in unison. We had all received a zero. Again. At this rate, everyone would be failing by the end of the week.

"Coach, what's up with this? The question was what equals two plus two, and I put four. Why is that wrong?" Samm asked.

"YOU KNOW WHAT, SAMM? I'M SICK OF YOUR ATTITUDE!" Coach Bo exploded.

Samm shrunk back in his chair, and became very pale. "I just asked a question-"

"IT WAS A STUPID QUESTION!" He fired back.

"Wow. Chill down." I muttered.

Coach Bo looked at me, and his eyes turned red. I mean, bright red. He reached out his arm, and I watched as it suddenly transformed into a fully functioning machine gun, pointed straight at me.

"CRAP! IT'S A DECEPTICON!" Samm screamed.

"RUNNNN!!!!" Logan shouted.

The rest of Coach Bo turned into a robot, and he began to clomp around the room, his feet making the floor shake with every step. He flashed the gun back and forth, firing at all of us. We hit the ground, and started to crawl towards the door.

Coach Bo's gun fired just as Mrs. Jaimes burst into the room, and transformed into a Mexican robot with a sombraro. She fired her bazoca gun at Coach Bo, and he exploded.

"YAH! MRS. JAIMES IS AN AWESOME AUTOBOT!" I yelled.

Mrs. Jaimes nodded at me, and yelled, "Autobots, roll out!" And turned into a small robotic car and raced out of the room.

And that concludes my short, stupid parody of Coach Bo's 3d period class.

Revenge is The Answer

The phrase "Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and waiting for the other man to die" makes sense. Kind of. The whole drinking poison thing means that you can  hold a grudge, but it won't really effect the other person as much, so you'll feel crappy for no reason, so you shouldn't waste your time holding a grudge, and just suck it up and forgive them.

In my humble opinion, that's a load of bull honky.

I am VERY stubborn, so I'm a bit bias to NOT forgiving people. I can hold a grudge for a full ten years, and I have. For instance, when I was five, I told my mother to hold my pickle for me, and NOT EAT IT. Needless to say, she ate it. To this day, about ten years later, whenever I give my mother something edible of mine not to hold, I say, "NOT TO EAT IT. IT IS NOT A PICKLE."

In conclusion, I don't forgive people very much. If I like the person, I can forgive them. If not, you better run, or I will find you and go Chuck Norris on your (explicit word). Also, I don't really have that tiny voice in your head that tells you to do the right thing. I have many voices telling me to do the wrong thing. Therefor, the phrase about forgiveness shown above holds no meaning to me whatsoever.

Don't forgive people, get your revenge! It's funner!

Fly In The White House!

If I could be a fly on the wall, I would choose to spy on Obama. I would creep, ninja style, into the White House, and activate my super-awesome-stealthy-invisibility suit. I would tip-toe through the oval office, and spy on the president.

It would then be reveled to me that Obama is actually Tyler Perry, who was researching for a new movie, Madea in The White House. I would take pictures of him removing his mask, and then I would sell them to the media for lots of cash.

I would be rolling around cash, gleefully enjoying my new money as Tyler Perry rotten in jail for ruining the country, all thanks to me, the fly on the wall.

(Okay, technically, I wasn't literally a fly. I interpreted the term "a fly on the wall" as someone who spies on other people. If this gets me in trouble, I protest that the blog instructed you to be a "fly on the wall", not an actual fly.)

Fun Land

Sunset at Fun Land!

If I could create a perfect place, I would make it look exactly like the state of Hawaii, minus the sharks and sting rays. Fun Land, the name of my utopia, would be governed by a queen, not a king, because I don't believe men make good choices in life. The queen's female children would inherit the crown, and so on, but nobody would be allowed to make a big deal about the royal weddings, or the royal people's everyday lives. This would avoid a very beloved royal woman to have a tragic death in a tunnel involving a taxi.

Energy would be supplied to Fun Land via solar panels, not wind turbans, because they totally ruin the scenery. The rules would be the same as in the United States, no stealing things, no raping people, and no killing people. (Unless the person is extremely annoying and bothers other people continuously.) Anyone could live there, as long as they aren't gangster impersonators. If you're really and truly gangster, you would be allowed in Fun Land.

The punishment for breaking three rules in Fun Land would be the removal of your arms and legs in front of all of your family and friends. If you break a fourth rule, you will be decapitated in front of everyone in Fun Land, and everyone would use your grave as a toilet. :)

!!!HUZZAH FOR FUN LAND!!!

(P.S, if you are banished from Kelsey's utopia because you refused to were sparkles, she didn't think you were physically attractive, or refused to be happy while wearing pink clothing, you will be accepted into Fun Land, and you and wear and look like whatever you want.)

(P.S.S, I think Kelsey's world is shallow. So is she if she believes that her world is perfect.)